Well, these have been troubling me since i went back to tekong. Apparently, i am surprised that i have grew to feeling for the recruits, and have placed alot more significance on their feelings.

Maybe its the storemans that have influenced me. They are the ones with a multitude of background issues that have taught me how to be more rational, and consider their personal factors when dealing with punishments. Maybe that explains the thousands of off pass i have signed.

Unfortunately, it seem that my new batch is quite scared of me. This is the first time i have let people have a taste of my mind manipulation. Unethical, but eventually, i am confident the person will thank me, just like how nicholas foo grew up.

Thus, i am bothered by the fact that some recruits are traumatized by me without any particular reason. Their unexplained fear from the statements they wrote in their reflection books really leave me confused.

Damn, i really do not know what to do. I am tired, and the efforts i am putting in are still the same, but i could feel it draining the energy off me. Soon, i may fall sick any moment.

But i must forever remember what Staff Fazli taught me: Treat each batch like a new batch! Since i treated my first batch with such fierce determination,i guess i shall reciprocate the same efforts.

Hold on, 11 more weeks.

aLm0nD~cUsTaRd blogged @ 11:44 AM

I was expecting my 3rd batch to be the current poly batch in tekong. But what was unexpected is that i was attached to sembawang camp to be an instructor for pes c vocationalists. As usual, the pes c carry the mindset of nonchalence and fked up attitude at the start. Luckily, this time, the pes c really die under me.

Punishments were abke to dish out effectively and mistakes were corrected immediately. Fear and tension was built in most of them, and standards are building up slowly. Just like how i train my first batch.

The achievements really came when it was annouced that Platoon 4 is the best marchers. Never did once did SA(GE) people ever excelled in anything, and that is why it was quite an achievement for me. Alone, i took 100 recruits in the platoon and over a course of 5 weeks, i actually made them improved alot.

Another batch over, more lessons learnt, be it good or bad. I have grown more mature, and was given many lifeskills. Too bad that 4th batch in a week, carrying on training in tekong. I wana go back to STC:(

So many batches, back to back. VEry tiring!

aLm0nD~cUsTaRd blogged @ 1:13 AM

As i am driving along the street today, i happened to catch a glimpse of a middle-aged lady, dressed in a flowery shirt and her hair curled into a messy bundle.as my car neared her, i was quite surprised that she is crying while walking very fast, and no one seems to notice that in the midst of everyone, one poor lady is actually in the worst of her mood.

Emotions, a very unique feelings that we felt at different time and place. My topic today shall not revovle about her crying, but rather, the courage of people to actually show it out.

Some people tend to scoff at others who cry over small matters, or loses their temper if things do not turn out in their favour. They may claimed that those people are emotional or weak at heart, unable to suppress and control their emotions, and letting it draw all over their face.

However, i am actually quite admirable for those who actually have the emotional courage to do so, for holding back your tears just when you are sad, but do not wish to be scoffed at, adds nothing to relieve the person of their depression. Similarly, holding back one's temper just when you are angry, but do not wish to be scoffed at or being feared, adds nothing to relieve the anger and it may even worsen to a blow-up whereby the mind will be rendered blank and horrendous stuffs may happen.

When i was young, i still recalled thaT i cried way too many times. But after i start to grow up, i realize that eventually, crying doesn't solve anything and what really helps me is to seek a direct solution. Thus, you can now see me acting out and dishing out commands to control the overall situation if problems arise, rather than sit by the side of the kerb and start bawling over the injustice of life.

In overall sense, do not discriminate those people who are less able to control their emotions. Their emtional struggle is bad enough for them, and it is really evil if we are dealing more damage to their emotional pride by passing some unfriendly comments about them. Thus, adopt a neutral stand whenever someone start crying or yelling at you. Think through what they are saying, and seek a direct solution to help them. Twist their mind to an image that they may not see it themselves, and try to convince them that the perfect solution, which is the image created, shall be the one they are seeking. Help them if you must, for some really need you to set up the platform for them to initiate the first step. Be their activation energy to exceed the threshold to help themselves. All in all, this is part of an important interactions with your fellow humans.

aLm0nD~cUsTaRd blogged @ 6:51 AM

It will definitely come a time in everyone;s life that you realize that you are indeed blessed to meet a particular someone. Well well, before you all start plunging into some serious misunderstanding, this post has nothing to do with me meeting a special someone.

So my point is, on the contrary, how many actually feel that sometime it is actually a curse to meet someone who is a pain in the ass, or someone with extremely bad vices?

This question just popped into my mind when idy mentioned to me about meeting someone next time. I have thought back to her comment and think through my experiences with so many people. You have people who always put on a tough face, but deep down, their hearts are as fragile as a rose. You have someone who is so quiet, but deep down, he/she may be scheming against everyone just to gain a better ground.

Humans, are unique. Most of us share the same human anatomy, but the human mind is really the powerful one that will differentiate us. I sometimes marvel at how the human brain can channel so much ideas that benefit millions, or how some one's evil schemes can hurt hundreds or even thousands. I wondered how creative the mind can be, on how people can suggest sacrificing humans'heads to the gods, or how someone can dissect a corpse and dump it into the river?

Alas, i guess the key to knowing someone well, and avoiding those pesky little scheming dolls are to have self-awareness. Be vigilant, for those trying to cast you on the wrong side of the tunnel will only succeed if you continue to be a blur sotong and let it happy. Follow your heart.

aLm0nD~cUsTaRd blogged @ 3:11 AM

My Pes C recourse's trainees have passed out a couple of days. Sad to say, another goodbye which i have dreaded.

At the start of the course, they are damn fucked up. Carrying a nonchalence attitude and adopting an ORD's mindset, it is indeed difficult to ask them to follow simple instructions. These in turn have led to an accumulation of built up stress and anger in a perfectionist instructor, me.

Thats was when i realize that i could not give them up, just like what others are advising me to do so. I realize that the hard way may negate whatever outcome i desire, thus that explains my mind games with them for almost three weeks.

My efforts paid off, as to me, they have grown and learnt alot during these 4 weeks. I have seen them taking the effort to best in everything, although deep down, everyone know the fact that it is alright for their non-compliance to these basics achievements. They did it, out of respect for me, and out of respect for themselves.

It is also very inspiring when the trainees come forward and gave you a hug, thanking you for everything. Compared to my previous batch, such efforts are non-comparable, thus i am indeed surprised when they said that i have put in alot of efforts that touched them deeply.

For both batches, i have learnt and see alot. I have witness how people change, from good to worse, and from bad to good. Such change have often link my mind to this thinking: why? I have realized that it take two hands to produce a change and no matter how much i wanted to motivate them, they have to let me motivate first. Thus, i am regretful that in my two batches, there are a few deadweight loss that i have failed.

Nevertheless, i am looking forward to my next batch already. This time round, i am striving to produce a more outstanding batch than before, just like how my motivation has surged throughout these few days.

aLm0nD~cUsTaRd blogged @ 4:59 AM

For the past 3 months, time has really flew. I can't imagine myself scaling through this 3 months in a flash. Thinking back, i guess that this few months were really fruitful, whereby i have learnt tonnes of stuffs, and have gone through a series of emotional feelings.

My first batch in 5th company, the 01/11 batch, has really impacted me alot. I still remember the lull period in fifth coy before the batch starts, and everyone is talking about how i am going to get bullied by the recruits, and how everyone will think i am a welfare sergeant and start climbing over my head.

Then, the next thing i knew, i have embarked on a punish er mode for the next 2 months. Every single mistakes shall be corrected, every wrong must be right. Punishments are dealt out swiftly and harshly, but with just.

But throughout every day, every week, i have participated in the training with the recruits. I put on my camouflage with them, went through route marches with them, ran with them during their IPPT, and last but not least, endure the 5 days of parade rehearsals and the final 24km.

I am not trying to create an image for myself, nor i demand respect from everyone. I am doing this simply because i think it is part of my job to do so. Some may be postulating that my drive to train the recruits will wane off after a few months, but i believe otherwise. I am bound by my own principles and ethics, and i do not believe that something that i strongly believed in, and is strongly imbued in me, can be neglected over a few months.

Now, my recruits have been posted to different facets of the SAF, be it as a store man, or an officer cadet. I am proud of them, albeit all those nonsense they have given me during their 9 weeks. I am always asking myself, '' how is it possible that a batch that make me so angry almost everyday can cause me to miss them so much?''

Don't get me wrong, i am not getting emotional. Instead, as many of you may not believe, i have gotten over them and is quite excited over my next batch. Nevertheless, i hope that my recruits shall always remember that every drop of sweat, every drop of blood that they shed, are part of a toughening process, as a 5th coy warrior.

Damn, i really love 5th coy, for its philosophy is almost similar to mine. But then, i just got this weird feeling that, this is not permanent. everything ends, and i guess, i really do need to learn how to draw a line between myself and those people around me. I hate the feeling of leaving, i really do.

aLm0nD~cUsTaRd blogged @ 10:51 PM

For the past 2 days, after recruits knew their posting, my phone has been bimbarded with smses/calls about information in their life in scs/ocs. I am glad tht they still deemed me worthy and approacable as a source of information. UNfortunately, these two days have also provided me with a glimpse of how there are still people who are such a useless fuck.

I have people,from their little small comments made in facebook/smses, that have caused me so much discomfort today. Psychologically, i have deemed them as a coward who are unable to convince themselves that they are able to survive the training. Life doesn't also give you what you want, and just because life wanted to make a joke on you, they just give up even before they try. So all this while, all those trainings whereby i have pushed their limits and potentials, so that they can see for themselves that they are actually more than capable of doing things that they thought are beyond their limits, have gone to waste.

It is really sad, and i do not enjoy their lack of comprehension and appreciation of the overall training we have provided for them. The fact that they run at the slightest setback is really pathetic, showing zero sense of fighting spirit at all. Wthats the use of us feeling so proud of them, undergoing a gruelling 9 weeks packed programmes, with a little 5th coy love? They have been labelled as 5th coy warriors and as they paraded into the marina platform, everyone knew that they are soldiers with standards higher than the others on the platform.

I expected them thus, to stand proud and be proud of themselves. Instead, i have some little rats who still do not comprehend the importance of the SAF 7 core values. They still think that just because they have a strong education background, they deserve a place in so called a good uni and ocs in their own myopic view.

Come on, you all are still living behind the smokescreen created by us. Myopic as usual, and drunk by your still perceived thinkings, i have to heave a sigh by the lack of maturity and lack of thorough processing in your own personal assessment. Character wise, some of you have failed.

aLm0nD~cUsTaRd blogged @ 6:45 AM