Pebbles of My Life

Reciprocation

2011-07-23T11:44:00.001-07:00

Well, these have been troubling me since i went back to tekong. Apparently, i am surprised that i have grew to feeling for the recruits, and have placed alot more significance on their feelings.

Maybe its the storemans that have influenced me. They are the ones with a multitude of background issues that have taught me how to be more rational, and consider their personal factors when dealing with punishments. Maybe that explains the thousands of off pass i have signed.

Unfortunately, it seem that my new batch is quite scared of me. This is the first time i have let people have a taste of my mind manipulation. Unethical, but eventually, i am confident the person will thank me, just like how nicholas foo grew up.

Thus, i am bothered by the fact that some recruits are traumatized by me without any particular reason. Their unexplained fear from the statements they wrote in their reflection books really leave me confused.

Damn, i really do not know what to do. I am tired, and the efforts i am putting in are still the same, but i could feel it draining the energy off me. Soon, i may fall sick any moment.

But i must forever remember what Staff Fazli taught me: Treat each batch like a new batch! Since i treated my first batch with such fierce determination,i guess i shall reciprocate the same efforts.

Hold on, 11 more weeks.

3rd Batch

2011-07-02T01:13:00.000-07:00

I was expecting my 3rd batch to be the current poly batch in tekong. But what was unexpected is that i was attached to sembawang camp to be an instructor for pes c vocationalists. As usual, the pes c carry the mindset of nonchalence and fked up attitude at the start. Luckily, this time, the pes c really die under me.

Punishments were abke to dish out effectively and mistakes were corrected immediately. Fear and tension was built in most of them, and standards are building up slowly. Just like how i train my first batch.

The achievements really came when it was annouced that Platoon 4 is the best marchers. Never did once did SA(GE) people ever excelled in anything, and that is why it was quite an achievement for me. Alone, i took 100 recruits in the platoon and over a course of 5 weeks, i actually made them improved alot.

Another batch over, more lessons learnt, be it good or bad. I have grown more mature, and was given many lifeskills. Too bad that 4th batch in a week, carrying on training in tekong. I wana go back to STC:(

So many batches, back to back. VEry tiring!

Emotions

2011-05-22T06:51:00.000-07:00

As i am driving along the street today, i happened to catch a glimpse of a middle-aged lady, dressed in a flowery shirt and her hair curled into a messy bundle.as my car neared her, i was quite surprised that she is crying while walking very fast, and no one seems to notice that in the midst of everyone, one poor lady is actually in the worst of her mood.

Emotions, a very unique feelings that we felt at different time and place. My topic today shall not revovle about her crying, but rather, the courage of people to actually show it out.

Some people tend to scoff at others who cry over small matters, or loses their temper if things do not turn out in their favour. They may claimed that those people are emotional or weak at heart, unable to suppress and control their emotions, and letting it draw all over their face.

However, i am actually quite admirable for those who actually have the emotional courage to do so, for holding back your tears just when you are sad, but do not wish to be scoffed at, adds nothing to relieve the person of their depression. Similarly, holding back one's temper just when you are angry, but do not wish to be scoffed at or being feared, adds nothing to relieve the anger and it may even worsen to a blow-up whereby the mind will be rendered blank and horrendous stuffs may happen.

When i was young, i still recalled thaT i cried way too many times. But after i start to grow up, i realize that eventually, crying doesn't solve anything and what really helps me is to seek a direct solution. Thus, you can now see me acting out and dishing out commands to control the overall situation if problems arise, rather than sit by the side of the kerb and start bawling over the injustice of life.

In overall sense, do not discriminate those people who are less able to control their emotions. Their emtional struggle is bad enough for them, and it is really evil if we are dealing more damage to their emotional pride by passing some unfriendly comments about them. Thus, adopt a neutral stand whenever someone start crying or yelling at you. Think through what they are saying, and seek a direct solution to help them. Twist their mind to an image that they may not see it themselves, and try to convince them that the perfect solution, which is the image created, shall be the one they are seeking. Help them if you must, for some really need you to set up the platform for them to initiate the first step. Be their activation energy to exceed the threshold to help themselves. All in all, this is part of an important interactions with your fellow humans.

Nice knowing you

2011-05-16T03:11:00.000-07:00

It will definitely come a time in everyone;s life that you realize that you are indeed blessed to meet a particular someone. Well well, before you all start plunging into some serious misunderstanding, this post has nothing to do with me meeting a special someone.

So my point is, on the contrary, how many actually feel that sometime it is actually a curse to meet someone who is a pain in the ass, or someone with extremely bad vices?

This question just popped into my mind when idy mentioned to me about meeting someone next time. I have thought back to her comment and think through my experiences with so many people. You have people who always put on a tough face, but deep down, their hearts are as fragile as a rose. You have someone who is so quiet, but deep down, he/she may be scheming against everyone just to gain a better ground.

Humans, are unique. Most of us share the same human anatomy, but the human mind is really the powerful one that will differentiate us. I sometimes marvel at how the human brain can channel so much ideas that benefit millions, or how some one's evil schemes can hurt hundreds or even thousands. I wondered how creative the mind can be, on how people can suggest sacrificing humans'heads to the gods, or how someone can dissect a corpse and dump it into the river?

Alas, i guess the key to knowing someone well, and avoiding those pesky little scheming dolls are to have self-awareness. Be vigilant, for those trying to cast you on the wrong side of the tunnel will only succeed if you continue to be a blur sotong and let it happy. Follow your heart.

Second batch over

2011-05-08T04:59:00.001-07:00

My Pes C recourse's trainees have passed out a couple of days. Sad to say, another goodbye which i have dreaded.

At the start of the course, they are damn fucked up. Carrying a nonchalence attitude and adopting an ORD's mindset, it is indeed difficult to ask them to follow simple instructions. These in turn have led to an accumulation of built up stress and anger in a perfectionist instructor, me.

Thats was when i realize that i could not give them up, just like what others are advising me to do so. I realize that the hard way may negate whatever outcome i desire, thus that explains my mind games with them for almost three weeks.

My efforts paid off, as to me, they have grown and learnt alot during these 4 weeks. I have seen them taking the effort to best in everything, although deep down, everyone know the fact that it is alright for their non-compliance to these basics achievements. They did it, out of respect for me, and out of respect for themselves.

It is also very inspiring when the trainees come forward and gave you a hug, thanking you for everything. Compared to my previous batch, such efforts are non-comparable, thus i am indeed surprised when they said that i have put in alot of efforts that touched them deeply.

For both batches, i have learnt and see alot. I have witness how people change, from good to worse, and from bad to good. Such change have often link my mind to this thinking: why? I have realized that it take two hands to produce a change and no matter how much i wanted to motivate them, they have to let me motivate first. Thus, i am regretful that in my two batches, there are a few deadweight loss that i have failed.

Nevertheless, i am looking forward to my next batch already. This time round, i am striving to produce a more outstanding batch than before, just like how my motivation has surged throughout these few days.

Every full moon marks an important day for me

2011-04-17T22:51:00.000-07:00

For the past 3 months, time has really flew. I can't imagine myself scaling through this 3 months in a flash. Thinking back, i guess that this few months were really fruitful, whereby i have learnt tonnes of stuffs, and have gone through a series of emotional feelings.

My first batch in 5th company, the 01/11 batch, has really impacted me alot. I still remember the lull period in fifth coy before the batch starts, and everyone is talking about how i am going to get bullied by the recruits, and how everyone will think i am a welfare sergeant and start climbing over my head.

Then, the next thing i knew, i have embarked on a punish er mode for the next 2 months. Every single mistakes shall be corrected, every wrong must be right. Punishments are dealt out swiftly and harshly, but with just.

But throughout every day, every week, i have participated in the training with the recruits. I put on my camouflage with them, went through route marches with them, ran with them during their IPPT, and last but not least, endure the 5 days of parade rehearsals and the final 24km.

I am not trying to create an image for myself, nor i demand respect from everyone. I am doing this simply because i think it is part of my job to do so. Some may be postulating that my drive to train the recruits will wane off after a few months, but i believe otherwise. I am bound by my own principles and ethics, and i do not believe that something that i strongly believed in, and is strongly imbued in me, can be neglected over a few months.

Now, my recruits have been posted to different facets of the SAF, be it as a store man, or an officer cadet. I am proud of them, albeit all those nonsense they have given me during their 9 weeks. I am always asking myself, '' how is it possible that a batch that make me so angry almost everyday can cause me to miss them so much?''

Don't get me wrong, i am not getting emotional. Instead, as many of you may not believe, i have gotten over them and is quite excited over my next batch. Nevertheless, i hope that my recruits shall always remember that every drop of sweat, every drop of blood that they shed, are part of a toughening process, as a 5th coy warrior.

Damn, i really love 5th coy, for its philosophy is almost similar to mine. But then, i just got this weird feeling that, this is not permanent. everything ends, and i guess, i really do need to learn how to draw a line between myself and those people around me. I hate the feeling of leaving, i really do.

Things definitetly go two ways

2011-04-16T06:45:00.001-07:00

For the past 2 days, after recruits knew their posting, my phone has been bimbarded with smses/calls about information in their life in scs/ocs. I am glad tht they still deemed me worthy and approacable as a source of information. UNfortunately, these two days have also provided me with a glimpse of how there are still people who are such a useless fuck.

I have people,from their little small comments made in facebook/smses, that have caused me so much discomfort today. Psychologically, i have deemed them as a coward who are unable to convince themselves that they are able to survive the training. Life doesn't also give you what you want, and just because life wanted to make a joke on you, they just give up even before they try. So all this while, all those trainings whereby i have pushed their limits and potentials, so that they can see for themselves that they are actually more than capable of doing things that they thought are beyond their limits, have gone to waste.

It is really sad, and i do not enjoy their lack of comprehension and appreciation of the overall training we have provided for them. The fact that they run at the slightest setback is really pathetic, showing zero sense of fighting spirit at all. Wthats the use of us feeling so proud of them, undergoing a gruelling 9 weeks packed programmes, with a little 5th coy love? They have been labelled as 5th coy warriors and as they paraded into the marina platform, everyone knew that they are soldiers with standards higher than the others on the platform.

I expected them thus, to stand proud and be proud of themselves. Instead, i have some little rats who still do not comprehend the importance of the SAF 7 core values. They still think that just because they have a strong education background, they deserve a place in so called a good uni and ocs in their own myopic view.

Come on, you all are still living behind the smokescreen created by us. Myopic as usual, and drunk by your still perceived thinkings, i have to heave a sigh by the lack of maturity and lack of thorough processing in your own personal assessment. Character wise, some of you have failed.

LEaving their footprints behind

2011-04-11T21:11:00.000-07:00

OUt of boredom, i went up to my recruits' bunk(P4) and checked their notes for the next batch recruits. Before enterinh the bunks, the entire corridor is no longer bustling with activities like always. NO more half-naked guys walking to the water cooler, or recruits standing outside calling their loved ones.

I entered section 1, and prowled through all their notes. Even though they have provided much warning about me, i still think that it is damn funny to read all these. Unfortunately, very soon, that sadness just crept into my heart again.The atmosphere in the bunks have returned to its forlorn serenity again. Its like, someone who just happened to brush past you during your life, but left quite an impact on you.

i hate this feeling, but ironically, i have experienced such feeling many times in my life. Each time, i can only hope that time can make me forget all these. But having such a good memory, no matter where i go, at one point of time, these feelings will be back to haunt me, leaving a hollow-ness in me。
人生难得是欢聚，唯有别离多

That feeling of missing

2011-04-11T06:55:00.001-07:00

Last night, first time in my life, i had a drop too much. THanks to Ben and my recruits, who continuously and faithfully down me cups after cups! Quite a good experience, and i kinda hope for another one too, albeit everyone busy schedule.

Today is the direct enlistment of Pes C recruits. Throughout the whole day, i have been keeping a constant check at my temper and anger management. It was quite a task, thinking that i am one hellish guy at the start. But that aside, i really missed my platoon. Platoon 4!

SOme old memories just kept rushing back today. For example, sect comm interview. Though section 3 is full of crap and trouble, i still remember the look of apprehension in everyone's face. When they having night snack, it reminded me of how i always gave them extra night snacks after they got punished. Back to the smoking corner, to me it has become a forlorn state after enoch and john left. Somehow, they just left an imprint in my memories in that place.

Worse still, the feeling got worse after i received news that i need to change office. The platoon 4 flag that don the office, the numerous time i spent in the office sleeping, those cherished memories, are gone.

First batch definietly left a bittersweet taste. It was quite surprising on how most of the time i am angry with them, but at the end of the day, they all kinda fit into a special place in my heart.

Deep down, i know i have done my best for platoon4. I have not let them down. Every march, every run, i have never skipped once before, beside those when i am the COS> Even the last 24km, i don the heavy fieldpack and walked with them throughout, and for that, that ngiht's memories really impacted me.

Last but not least, thanks to my recruits who really make my first batch so successful.

Tired!

2011-03-26T07:46:00.000-07:00

I was looking at the calender today and holy freako! 2 weeks have passed by in a flash. Thinking back, i was really busy for the past weeks that time really seem to fly. With sit test, CDS, COS and all those arrows, i guess that explains everything.

Anyway, which means my recruits are going to POP soon. First bacth of recruits and i can already sense a tinge of achievement on my part. But, time to move on to my last and final part of my philosophy:)

OH yes, one thing has been bothering me for quite some time already. Everttime i tried to put it aside, it stays as a bug at the end of my brain and pops out at the weirdest moment. I guess it is the comment passed by many people to me, that i am going to ord soon as it seems to them that i have taken a lot of batches. They explained by saying that i am so fierce blah blah blah, able to think of so many efficient methods that they just assumed that it is the result of experiences. Holy fuck sia, i guess i must really tone down, and set my pace on a slower tone. If not, i would be arrowed more!

guess i am not making sense again. This is one of the most random post i have typed and the languages adopted are back to poor. Forgot what i say then.

It all depends on you, i am only of little significance

2011-03-04T07:02:00.000-08:00

This week was a flash. Too busy to actually sit down and organize my thoughts. It was either scolding people, or dozing off into a siesta. Even now, as i was typing this, my eyelids are going for closure.

My recruits have written a commander appraisal for us. Surprisely, but not unexpectedly, the recruits have inevitably termed me as a symbol of punishment. Such a title has associated itself with a negative connotation, and my reputation as a commander is to punish recruits.

I am not going to deny that. I am very anal about discipline and ethics. Maybe it was because my platoon sergeant trained me to be like this, or the period of time in ASLC have led me to think that selfish bastards are actually produced if they have have a smooth no-punishment life since BMT. Or rather, to put it crudely, commanders who don't want to do their 5 cents worth to discipline them.

Sgt Gavin always wear the same old cold hard expression. Then, with his arms folded, he will bore his gaze into the platoon, scanning each and everyone of them slowly, finding tell-tale signs of anyone trying to challenge the system by fidgeting. Any signs of lack of discipline will result in harsh punishment. I know, anal, but, for a good worth.

On the other hand, i have also been termed as the welfare guy too, ironically. But less of this, as i feel that if the recruits deserve welfare, i will give it.

But being myopic as the majority, what most of them don't realise is that i am just a trainer for them. I guide them onto the proper path. What really motivates them are themselves. I can punish them everytime, but if they do not come to senses, then i still fail in my job. Thus, each and everyone must know the intentions behind, and learn from it. Unlike now, everyone cowering in fear over the next punishment. Sad.

Nonetheless, i seek to change and right the wrong. As my punishment are always that unique, i shall inject a little more creativity into the punishment. So that when they are being punished, they will automatically understand my intentions.

P.S.: My recruits are a funky group, blessed to have a chance to train them to be soldiers.

And yet another horrific discovery

2011-02-26T23:55:00.000-08:00

Looking at the above attached picture, one may not even see the difference from those sold around Singapore. Unfortunately, i will not comment on such normality unless these ice-cream are made from human breast milk. Yes, i am serious, human breast milk.

The article is as followed:
..Washington, Feb 25 (ANI): A shop in London is selling ice cream containing human breast milk.

The shop in Covent Garden used milk donated by a UK mom to make the "totally natural" treat.

According to UK website Parentdish, Victoria Hiley, 35, a mother of one from Leeds in northern England, has already donated a liter of her breast milk to Icecreamists parlor for the dish it calls Baby Gaga.

"What's the harm in using my assets for a bit of extra cash?" Fox News quoted Hiley as saying, who responded to an advert for milk suppliers on another parenting website, Mumsnet.

"What could be more natural than fresh, free-range mother's milk in an ice cream?"

The new parlor pays 15 pounds (24 dollars) for every 10 ounces of milk and has already had 15 mothers become donors. Each lactating woman undergoes the same health checks used by the UK's National Health Service to screen blood donors.

Matt O'Connor, 44, who runs Icecreamists, makes the dish by blending the breast milk with Madagascan vanilla pods and lemon zest.

"No-one's done anything interesting with ice cream in the last hundred years," he said.

"Some people will hear about it and go, 'yuck,' but actually it's pure, organic, free-range and totally natural," he added. (ANI)
...

Upon reading this piece of short article, i have unconsciously stepped into my ring of anger and boom! May the rage unleash! I have flourish this article(figuratively) to many of friends, forcing them to read this article. Surprisingly, the feedback i obtained is not what i have expected from a group of closely-knitted friends whom i always thought are conservative.

Yes, they exclaimed that it was perfectly fine.

True, the article did provide a glimpse that such trade from a willing mother providing 100% natural milk are ''normal''. I mean, people have been hoping for more natural food, looking into 100% freshness in the diary products that they bought, and you are right! Entered a mum who thinks that her breast milk can satisfy consumers' want, in exchange for some money.

But what i would hope the readers can sympathise with me are the moral decay that is going on silently behind this veil of milk trading. To many people, it may seem fine. But to me, i cant help but to express that it is purely grotesquely WTRONG! Let me explain why!

Human breast milk is produced naturally. Under the influence of the hormones prolactin and oxytocin, women produce milk after childbirth to feed the baby. This form of milk provide nutrients necessary for the healthy development of the baby. To me, breastfeeding is a sacred process and its balance should not be disturbed. Which means using the breast milk to sell. What will the social ramifications be if everyone thinks that there are monetary value in breast milk? IF the abovesaid breast milk ice cream does provide health benefits, demand for this ice cream will increase gradually and you can see a gradual increase in the deman for breast milk. What happen if this willing mother is unable to produce more milk anymore? Having givig human a taste of a better commodity, their greediness inborn in them will definitely lead to greater craving for this ice cream. Isn't this like opening a Pandora box, whereby you will expect people exploiting ladies of their breastmilk, or ladies selling bottles of breastmilk at the settled price.

Aurina said that the breast milk do provide its natural freshness. Pardon me, but i have to argued that if one want to consume the ice cream made from 100% breast milk, why don't those consumers go directly to the woman's breast and suck it directly? (assuming that the lady is willing!) Or lets say, imagine a shop selling the above mentioned ice cream. You patronise it and you waited for your order. Behind the counter, you can see a lady trying to pump her breast milk into the ice cream maker to make more ice cream. How will you feel then? Yucky?

Using natural body parts/components and injecting some monetary value in it is a form of moral degradation that is going on within the society itself. Imagine people trading stem cell? Wrong? How about suddenly the market produces a placenta pill from human that can keep you young? Correct me if i am wrong, i am not downgrading those people who think that the ice cream is alright. What i am condemning is the fact that people are viewing body parts and components as having monetary value, something that can be tarded and patented. What are the social ramficcations that will happen if people start trading their body parts in exchange for money? What will happen if there are exploitation of body parts because they do provide some medicinal or healh benefits? In china, you have seen how tigers are hunted for medicinal purposes or how bears are abused for their biles. Nothing can be promised that humans' parts won't be exploited for the selfishness of the other human. Maybe things may not be exaggerated like how i just mentioned, but nonetheless, the possibility is there and if taken the wrong step in not controllig it, it will be a slippery road down to a society filled with moral decay.

No longer able to suppress the urge

2011-02-25T23:21:00.000-08:00

Have you ever feel that you have loads of thoughts in your mind, and you have the unnerving urge to pen them down or share it with someone else? Unfortunately, in the ever hectic lifestyle of Singaporeans, which includes the army also, time is definitely not in your favour.

I have been procrastinating long enough to take the effort to refurbish my blog and allows my thoughts and feelings to flow into words. Procrastination actually amounts to my thoughts being like water choked in a pipe, making gurgling sound which proves irritating sometimes. Thus, unable to withstand it, i have decided to throw in one simple template for my blog, and may the writing(or typing,if you are so anal) begins.

As army life slowly crept into a routine for me, but nonetheless busy, i found the observer living inside me trying to gain his dominance as my eyes swept over the surrounding and thoughts churned out repeatedly. Lets take a zoom into one simple incident.

Being a third sergeant in my company, i have my own recruits to handle. From their admin to training, everything is under my charge. But what proves worrisome are the changing mindset of the youngsters. No longer were the days they were tamed and obedient, but rather, they prove to be more rebellious. Technology have provided a platform for them to actually grants a sneak preview into army life, and as they are better prepared, their confidence actually gives them a fake sense of arrogance that they are able to tide through whatever shit comes into their way. They think they can challenge the system, or be selfish in their own individual ways, as they no longer cherish the need for each other. ''I know what is coming, unlike the days when we need to help each other to expect what is coming''. This selfish, arrogant thinking are already degrading the morality of the recruits. They can stare at their fellow mates being punished for his mistakes, and feel no sense of guilt(maybe some, not all). And ta-da, you hit the bulleyes! The same old jack repeat the same old shit, and the vicious cycle have to repeat.

Again, what is really motivating the continuation of this trend. The ugly truth surfacing from society have not been a pleasant one for Singapore. Each and everyone of us know that we can't afford to lose a single being physically, but how about their mentality. You can have 1000 youngster who are selfish supporting Singapore, or rather, 100 of them who knew the importance of working hand in hand?

Therefore, i am witnessing a wrong in society that need to be corrected. But, do not get me wrong, measures are already in place to guide everyone onto the proper road, but i feel that every single personnel must see the light himself/herself. He must realise the importance of everyone working hand-in-hand, not by thinking that ''my teachers taught me to be helpful, so i must be helpful''. Total bullshit in my opinion, period. But ironically, i am complaining about this decaying in the mindset, yet i am unable to suggest any effective ways to counter it. Call me useless or anything, for i am trying very hard to motivate my batch of recruits to think for everyone, not for themselves. At least i am still trying, and i hope that every parents/friends can do so too.

I really dunno what to say

2010-09-24T08:39:00.000-07:00

It has been so long since i blogged. And dont ask me why i am blogging now, as i also dunno.

I realize that i have matured alot since i enlisted. Remembering how i scowled when my teachers and friends asked me when is the time i can learn to be more mature. haha. Now, i have grown to be more mature, and more like a thinker. Last time, i would heck care everything and do as it deems fit. Now, i dunno why i must consider every aspects of life, and then make a decision. I think the monotony of my life right now does really impacted me alot.

I still have mixed feelings about ASLC. i mean, what so good about infantry? but on the other hand, whats so bad either? guess i should take it into my stride and hope for the best. Being so ''on'' is really tiring. i really need a long rest.

i really cherish the time when i can blog my feelings. now, i have thought about lots of stuffs, and consider about many things too. i have so much complicated feeling that i found it inconvenient to actually write it down. Guess only i understand what i am thinking the most. hiaz.

I need solace, and i need comfort. No matter how much rest time is given, i am tired. Seriously, i am exhausted. But i am doing this, for the good of everyone---defence of the country.

Psychology

2010-07-24T09:09:00.000-07:00

I have realized that i am still holding on to the bad habit of observing people, and their behaviour. When i told it to others, they will ewwww at this ability of mine and shun me off. I wonder at times, why do i not consider psychology even at first.

Maybe thats because i dislike the way i am looking into how the person is behaving from the way they expresses themselves.

Why am i so random? I have encountered lots of people in NS. Luckily for me, majority of them are really nice peepz. Even people whom i cooperated only for a few nights(the cheerleaders) are great people too.

I still remember i told Henry a few nights ago that he is real typical. The way he act, the way he behave, all sum up to a word ''typical'' in my mind. But actually, i know that he is a person who thinks in a different perspective, and is rather complex. By no means he is simple minded like any tom or harry.

Damn, i just typing any random thoughts out. No linkage between the different paragraphs. Arh!!

Anyway, i am feeling rather disturbed after reading a post from one of the blog i hopped to. I am thinking, and trying to to peel off their initial intention, and i realize that there is a serious misunderstanding occurring between that particular person that leads to the repercussion. How i wish i can pull them together, and be the middlemen for them. How i wish i can tell them the obvious!

当局者迷,旁观者清

Gavin has moved on to another phase of life

2010-07-09T08:33:00.000-07:00

It has been such a long time since i have blogged. Most of the time i have the urge to blog about the week i spent in tekong, but the monotony and boredom of each day has cancel out the urge.

I have passed out last week and i nearing the end of my block leave. BMT is a weird experience for me. I am able to adapt to the military life but i hate it. Ironically, i am usually the encourager and the happy-go-lucky kind de. But deep down, i am hoping that the days would pass faster and i will be back home.

Today, BMTC posted me to Pasir Labar camp. I am a sergeant-to-be.. 5months of intense training and i will be slacking(this is what others perceive). I have this mixed feeling. Happy that i am able to be a commander and slack in the future. Unhappy cos it is a 5-day thing again. WHich mean that dreaded feeling is gonna haunt me for the next 5 months. Damn!

And i am damn worried about my SOC. i dun wanna fail it and go for RT. but i have difficulties with the low rope and the height element really took me lots of time to overcome it. Sian! i dun want my weekend burnt.

i guess i shall suck thumb and move on. This is the advice that guan li and kee yong have given me before, a helpful one indeed.

Hiax!

3/10 gone

2010-05-15T08:55:00.000-07:00

I wanna thanks my parents, my relatives and my friends for motivating me throughout these few weeks in NS.

It was just an adjustment week i noe, but too big an adjustment week liao. Lucky i was in band before, and i understand most of the drills and able to perform well. But for those who know me, gavin sucks at practical things and that is the part i hate about NS. I dun understand the weapon handling drill, the first aid drill and so on and so forth. I dunno how to tie my bedsheet, adjust my straps, and tie my shoelace. I noe i fumbled alot during these few weeks, but at least i learnt that my section mates are really great. They helped me with all those stuffs that i am poor at, and in return, i rendered them my service of having a good memory: locking their cupboards, bringing evrything that is required and so on and so forth. And funny though, i am the one who is motivating them to continue, and telling them that the time pass quickly. Take for example, a typical tuesday starts with gavin saying, ''wtf? so fast tuesday liao? Remember we changed our bedsheet like few days ago, when in actual fact it is a week?''

Definitely, there are times when i think that the time freakily feel slow moving, thats the time when i am extremely tired and giddy, and almost fainited in my bunk. Lucky my section mates are rushed over and supported me.

I make it a priority to call my mum every night over a can of soft drink. In my call, my mum will always ask me to move on, and start counting down with me. I know i have expanded her worries for not having medicine course, which mean most probably she will worry for another 2 years, not 3 mths now. hiaz..

I seriously hope that the next 11 days will be fast.

To hell with it(field camp).

These few days of book out pass damn fast. I book out to have dinner(awesome) and spend the whole day at home playing games, surfing facebook and talking with those i didnt really call in tekong. then i feel sick on thursday till fri(high fever, 38 degree) and only today(sat) then i went out with my friends. But i felt guilty throughout the outing, as i am unable to focus.

I looked at the double helix bridge and suddenly felt disconnected with the world. 3 weeks ago, i was still joking with my family abt the crane crashing onto the road, but now the bridge has been constructed. i was scared that in 2 weeks time, another big changes and i dunno who i cant cope with it. Looks like military adjustment not only deal with inside tekong, but the changes outside it too.

I miss my home much more now. I learnt how to cherish things, but too bad these few days i didnt spend it fully, having laid in bed for so many hours recuperating, waking up evry half an hour due to bad nightmares and extreme headache and nauseu.

But i promise everyone that i will try my very best to tolerate, and try to finish my 5th week in 2 weeks now. I promise that my next post will be filled with more optimism, and glaDly annouceed that i have completed the xiong-est part of NS-field camp.

Thanks mum for helping me washed everything and repacking it into my field pack. Appreciated it to the max. Dad too for teaching me how to survive in field camp aNd adjustting my field pack and combat boots. Sis too for making sure i drink my water(water parade) when i am sick.

Thanks to my friends who accompanied me, and thanks to my section mates who helped me alot.

2 weeks-11days, are definitely shorter than my 17 days confinment.

My motivation for the week is: IF i can survive in 2 and a half weeks, whats 1 and a half week to me then?

National Service, ready to serve.

2010-04-23T09:44:00.000-07:00

April 26 is just a few days away, and to be exact, 2 days. I will be reporting to school 1 in tekong in early afternoon.

Maybe a few years back, i may dread this moment, like oh dear and wtf all the way. But then, i dunno why for the past few weeks, i am pretty excited about NS and getting hyper about it whenever people talked to me. Well, i guess i really change.

Which brings me to another topic-Empowerment of the individual. Is it due to me, as an individual, whom are empowered by various reasons, that resulted in me being so hyped up about nS? This i am not very sure, but i know that my confidence level has been all sky high and i am pretty optimistic that i can clear BMT.

But i know thAT once i am inside, i am going to suffer badly, worser than the rest. I am not physically fit, having failed napfa throughout my education, and being way too lucky to pass last year and getting into the april intake. So i guess that i wont be so lucky as to actually Ace all the trainings in there and come out as one huge macho guy.

But that doesnt mean that i would give up that easily. Haha, once i am determined, i will be.

Okie, reflections before going NS.

I am pretty proud of myself, for completing my to-do-list during this year. These few months have been good for me, for i am reaping what i sow? Of cos, the sweat of labour, literally.

1. Working in FPonline
I still remember i told rasina that i wanted this job badly, for i can work in NTUC again. This time, i told her that i am going to prove my 5 cents worth and leave a fond memory behind. And yup, i did it! Pay was a pittance, but the bond i forged with the collegues there are superb. I really love the job, love the people there, love my kopi-ice and golden egg triangle=) And of cos, GLS=)

2. Universal Studio
And i did went to US, and enjoyed my day there. One of the greatest attraction i wanted to go. And took lots of photos too=)

3. Train up
Haha, hard to believe right? I really did train up hor. Through GLS and alternate days running and daily pull up and sit up. HAHAH!roud, though the results are not that great, but at least i tried k!

4. BBQ/Chalet
Went to the whole loads of bbq cum chalet. First is pugilistic bbq, following up is FPonline chalet and lastly, 0805 chalet. All damn fun, and super duper tiring of cos.

5. Driving
And i passed my driving, how could i forget that. Which mean that i can go to any places i want in the shortest time, and i could booked out and reached home ASAP every week from now on=)

6. Learn how to tame PMS people
Haha, this is a trick which i wont tell! Quite satisfying that i can finally interact with PMS people, and tried to make friends with them. Okie, good!

7. Didnt lose my temper
Yes! i didnt blow my top. EVen when faced with Chew Gim's case. Btw, hates her too. Hoho.

8. Went thailand
Went thailand, learnt something. Took lots of photos, and felt proud abt it.

Okie, so my to-do-lists are not as fantastic as others. But the simplest reason to do something somethings give you the simplest reason and pleasure to be happy. Guess thats me, simplistic and perfectionist'view. Same as berlisa.

I guess that from this posts onward, i will try to blog if possible, but this time, about army of cos.

Let the freedom-less life begins.

Driving Practical Test

2010-04-12T08:11:00.000-07:00

Woke up super duper early in the morning today to go for driving lessons for 2 hours, after which have 4 mouths of mee, then prac test.

Tester is a hoorendous, fierce-looking man. He passed sarcastic remarks during my whole journey, and hiaz hiaz hiaz at my driving. Quite irritated when he asked,''do you noe how to go b anot?''

Then, i was brought to a small office with him, and he printed out my result slip, and told me,'' everything is good except parallel. PAssed, congratz!'' I was like stunned? Moments ago he is like a barker, seconds later he actually convey the good news to me.

So i just drove my mum car to yishun for dinner, and back. Quite a long trip, considering i only use spped 40 throughout!

okie, supper now!

Busy

2010-04-08T10:32:00.000-07:00

I promised my collegues that i will post something onto this blog. But i guess the next time i post, that will be months later. Sorry.

So, continuing, i have driving lessons almost everyday! i am seriously freaking stressed over it! I mean, jerome is kind enuf to give me the assessment list, and upon looking at it, i was so stunned that my usual mistake made, that i dun even realise, actually amount to an ''immediate failure''.

Nvm, cast that aside. I shall improve and pass the test!in 3 lessons! *shudder*

Farewell ytd, in NTUC. Quite touching, as athena, latchimi, loo san and swee is gg to orhcard with me next week for my farewell dinner. And thanks to latchimi for giving me such an expensive bag and her mum for making me muruku(i once passed a comment to her that i dunno whats muruku, so she made some for me to try)

And i am seriously very touched by all the aunties and uncles' actions.

1. Auntie meiyan said,''Another good person leaving, shall miss you.''
2. Auntie Whye theng: Goodbye, and wish you luck for whatever i am applying.
3. Uncle lip: he dropped his whole carton of biscuit and hug me:(
4. XO: Good luck to you, will miss you, providing you survie in tekong.
5. Auntie nelly: hahahahhaha!
6. Auntie mona: bye, will miss you!(for your info, this is the lady i cursed her to have stroke)
7. Uncle donald: =)
8. KAtherine: (turned to jeremy and said,''one of your very good worker leaving, what a loss''
*let me stop here, i lazy type liao*

So i am seriously touched. really! And i am happy abt the farewell dinner.

Okie, moving on, i need to pay my attention to driving for the next few days, and sorry to those belated girls that i cant attend the high tea buffet with you all:( Shall miss you all=)

Driving, driving, driving~~ Oops, its the 20th lessons?!?!

2010-03-15T08:24:00.000-07:00

Today marks the 20th driving lessons. I started in end of DEc, so i have been driving ard for 3months? 4 times a month though. Little. The make-up lessons for his busy schedule seems long?

Well, i am totally fucked up with myself over the past few practices. I committed mistakes which happen when i started out driving. Examples include:

1. Turning into wrong lanes at junctions
2. Forgetting to change to Gear 1 after stopping
3. Letting the experienced drivers to get past me before i change lane/overtake
4. Getting too near to the next lane

And after learning U-turn, i have cultiavted this bad habit of using two twist turn to turn at junctions. Damn!

And i always get scolded for being too kind. Letting a bird fly off first, while my car stop in the middle of the road. Letting a dog finishs his pawing, the same thing in the middle of the road. Emergency brake when this stupid dog came hopping into the middle of the road.

Today, i learnt parking. Quite interesting. First time, we have to walk around the car and do some calculations, then have to find rocks to make an imaginary kerb. (you see, now no more poles liao ma).

After 3 attempts, i managed to get the car into a straight position after parking, with ample gap in between.

Next lesson: Parallel, then circuit, and i am done-d.

I guess i need to wise up a lil when i am drviing. I am always so blur, thats explains my admonishment. Hahah.

Stop it!

2010-03-10T09:18:00.000-08:00

Stop annoucing to the whole world can? It is getting irritating!

And who are you guys, trying to determine whether i deserve it anot?

Shocked, yet happy!

2010-03-06T08:12:00.000-08:00

I may be lagging quite a bit here, as i am still feeling surreal.

Still cant believe that i actually got straight A's for all my subjects. Quite shocked. People who was with me that day will see me standing right up, stand there, looked blur, then suddenly, ran up the stage. Hiaz, then in the next moment, i am swept to the conference room, with interview, followed by hugging by all my tutors.

And i am in the newspaper today. My name appear under the top scorer section. Actually is shan shan who got bored and read it in the plane, and called me right after she alighted. Thanks!

And thanks to everyone who congratulated me. Touched and appreciated.

Guess that this feeling wont wear off that fast. HAha!

That Jitters

2010-03-04T07:51:00.000-08:00

Those jittery feelings i had over the last few days. I am worried, and today was worse. But i guess it is very normal. Real normal.

I shall hope for the best out of it then. Good luck to myself.=)

And thanks to my collegues(aunties and uncles) who wished me luck. Thanks!

Lala

2010-03-02T09:11:00.000-08:00

Gonna have a quick post before i go to sleep. Gotta sleep and rest more for today, since tml GLS is 410, with 70 bottles of wines.

Well, to me , it doesnt really mean much. Just a few more item type plus a few more cartons. Well, shall see who is willing to help me tml.

Have been training, and felt very aghast by the IPPT standard. Shall train more.

And i am bound to gain more weights in a few weeks time.

Pay day coming on thursday, results on friday.

Intelligence Vs Attitude

2010-02-23T08:15:00.000-08:00

Today something happened in work. Iz lost her temper with the northlight people. She just show her temper by repeatedly tearing the scotch tape using her pen. Then she scolded chew gim for being an obstruction. After which, the final call came when she just started yelling at cai yun and momentum build up as past are raked up.

Jeremy just pulled them aside, and explain to iz to calm down. Pieces of words float into my ears, with reasons like, ''i guess thats their intelligence that caused them so much problem.''

Well, targeting at this particular point, i am very troubled by it. How many times must i highlight the fact that the reason iz was angry, was not because of the northlight action due to their so called low intelligence. I guess is their character and attitude.

When iz screamed at cai yun, cai yun shouted back. This is quite expected as people who are normally quiet like me, have a very foul temper. But, their lousy attitude is shown by alvin, chew gim and cai yun.

1. Cai yun yelled back and said,''you started it first.''

She just failed to realize that it was her fault in the first place, by ordering iz to pick up stuff on the floor when it was her who dropped it. Beside that, she is not packing or anything, she is just talking to that ass hole chew gim.

2. Chew gim gave that agonized face.

It is not as if she is accused or anything. She is just unlucky to finally met a collegue who is unable to pick up their mess and think that they can learn in the future. Iz told me that, she finally understood why am i so harsh to the northlight people, by asking them to repick all their stuffs, and scolded them for being so blur. People may said that i am too harsh, and used the normal excuses like, '' they are not educated or low intellectual''. But they fail to foresee that intelligence dun play a huge part in our work. Attitude and hard work are the key.

3. Alvin turned back and said, ''what?'' in a very bad tone. Loud too.

Among the rest, he is one who i think is the better amongst them, but has the worst attitude, period.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Disappointed.

i have turned 19 officially.

2010-02-18T07:11:00.000-08:00

Febuary 18 2010, the day i turned 19.

And thanks to those who wish me, and the presents i received. Like it very much. Didnt expect my collegues to prepare something for me.
________________________________________________________________________________

It seems that the next section weighs more impt that my birthday.

I hate it when i am accused. But in NTUC, i have learnt to control my temper, allowing my tolerance level to fluctuate when and where i want. I cast my anger selectively, making sure it is not reaching maximum level.

Thats is why everyone today is so so so lucky.

And oh ya, NTUC's staff(not FPonline), mind your fucking attitude with me, for i am not one to mess with=). I can be real nice to you, joke with you, give you presents. But doesn't mean that you are angry/bad mood, it gives you the authority and audacity to attitude back at me. And hello, it not even my fault. I am just a third party ya?

I have a collegue who just left us last week. She has a phobia of crowds. Heard and experienced it last week, before my thailand trip. She just slumped into the chair, and starting having a fit plus asthmatic attack. Its quite scary though.

And seriously, i dont like it when people criticise my friends in front of me, the stuffs i did with them. I mean, are they even fit to criticise? Well, i don't think so.

Over dinner at Fork and Spoon yesterday with haniffa, it really hit me that i am slacking way too long. I kept giving the excuses of tiredness, but well, i dont really deserve a rest. I mean, looking at people like Ace, he can slogged his guts off, but never complained.

And i scolded cai yun, alvin and chew gim today. They said i was too harsh, too fierce, and of cos, too biased. But seriously, i am agreeable to the fact that now, i am biased towards them. I just can't stand the fact that some people are so thick-skinned or ignorant to understand the hints i have been giving them. You may say that they are over-friendly, but hey, it been weeks, at least one should learn about the correct way to interact with people ya? I am not saying that the way i am interacting right now is the must-do-way, but like what latchimi said, her action is really psychotic.

Jeremy have this certainty that i am going to work till 25th of april. He talked to me for so long todAY, about my A's and my NS. My holiday and my ang pao. Some crappy stuffs.

Looking forward to the bbq this saturday. And seriously, i wont give a damn anymore if someone just gonna miss it out last minute. Too bad, money paiud, food booked, no refund!

Tomorrow having dinner with huiting, qingshan, felicia and aurina. My birthday diner. Another one with shan shan and serene soon. Yeah, catching percy jackson tml too=) Thanks qingshan for organizing!

And seriously, i am damn damn damn touched with weisheng's actions. He actually used his free time in tekong to sms me and wishes me a happy birthday. I mean, he could have used the free time for other stuffs, not cast it to me. I mean, i am touched seriously.

Thanks auntie hong, think you are a great great help today.

And Rasina.

Once again, thanks everyone who wishes me and gave me presents. And those facebookers who flooded my wall=) Thank you.

With that, i am going to end Febuary 18 2010 with a goodnight sleep, ready to embrace tomorrow.

Deep in thoughts, once more

2010-02-16T08:08:00.000-08:00

For me, every trip to thailand is an opportunity to learn life values and reflect upon myself. Yup, you may say, this is so Gavin-ish, but things just flash through my eyes, and i only doing a small bit by taking it and reflecting and pondering it.

nah, not going to bore the readers abt the stuffs i have learnt. Really have no mood to report to work tml. Anyway, i miscalcuate the date and i got an extra leave tml too. So, i shall see my mood.

And looking at some of my friends coming out from camp, i dunno why i got this mixed feelings. Feeling of envy, feeling of expectation, fear, plus a tinge of homesick already.

Guess i must really train up fast, learn how to adapt to goodbye fast, and learn to communicate well with others.

Okie, 12am now. My chinese birthday is here. Following aurina's belief. Not celebrating this year, not auspicious.

And ang pao is rolling in, amongst all is an ang pao filled with 4D tickets given by someone. This whole week will have a hard time checking the results.

A few more weeks to resukts' release.

MC

2010-02-10T08:35:00.000-08:00

Sick today. A slight fever, but decided not to go to work since i am going overseas tml and an aggravated illness is definitely not what i want.

Anyway, rather touched that a furry of smses was sent into my phone from people at FPonline. They include ganesan, latchimi, longquan and uncle peter. Rasina, george and elizabeth also asked for my status. Rather touched. And uncle peter have a nice chat with my mum just now^^.

Anyway, today was a blur during driving. My instructor shouted at me, which i think 10% went into my head. In a state where you are thinking abt something which you cant recall. Hiazz~~

Anyway, hope to enjoy this trip. Maybe after this one, it will be a long long time, then i can enjoy yet another.

Irritating freako!

2010-02-05T08:18:00.000-08:00

Well, save me now!!!! I begging you!

Swee and Loo Sam were real kind today. They passed snide remarks to that irritant and apparently, SHE STILL DOESNT GET IT! How stupid can she be?

Seriously, i wanna clarify with her tml! But i think i will be more angry if she heck care or pester me or cry. I mean, i shall TRY MY VERY BESt not to lose my temper with her, otherwise it will be damn damn hard to control. Hahahahahaha! Sadded.

Okie, my ''grilfriend'', please be on standby any moment. Thanks!!

Something bad, yet touching

2010-02-02T09:01:00.000-08:00

Something really bad happened to me during work today. But for once, i am aghast by the courage i have. I never imagine i will stomp up to the big boss and complained, and ask them to give me some justice. Oh dear, accumulation of anger, and the volcano just exploded.

And i was really touched when i saw athena's message to me. For that, i am going to smile tomorrow=) Guess i am touched becus after her tuition with her students, she actually spend some time sending me messages. Thanks!

And thanks to swee and latchimi for trying to calm me down this morning. Guess oppsie, they saw my other side this morning. But yet they do not turn away from me, and helped me to cool down too. Thanks.

And my dear uncle peter, who asked evereyone to grab a pen knife so we can go gang fight with the bitches outside=) Haha, really make me laugh.

And i am getting confused with loo san's suggestion. He wants sat or sun?

0805's Cycling outing=)

2010-01-31T06:24:00.001-08:00

Yah, 0805's outing. Turn out nice and fun.Photos have to refer to aurina's blog(the efficient blogger). Haha.

Really have a fun day shopping and exploiting my NTUC's staff discount. Furthermore, found a way to obtain plastic bag too. Shop for so much food that everyone can da-bao home.

We walked all the way to ECP from PP, then lay our mats and eat shall we be. WE ate, crap, and suntanning under the hot sun. Only serene and me of cos. The rest is hiding under their umbrella.

Then shimin, bev, charlene, fel, adelene, quincy, mei kwee and kelly joined us. And we rented our bikes and off we go. Learnt how to change gears from quincy, and realized that the gear changing is the same as how you change your gears during driving. At least now when travelling up a slope, it doesnt require a lot of str.

Next activity for me to plan is the chalet shimin and i have been talking abt(but i will be the only guy left after next week, all of the others have been enlisted), as well as the FPonline bbq. Oh ya, talking of which, give me a few days more. Considering.

Watch what one have to say

2010-01-30T07:36:00.000-08:00

You just have to pick any collegues out, and their stories will be enuf to fill a few chapter in a book.

Outside world, this society, is indeed harsh. No one compliment you, and complaints are the only things you get. Worst still, pay is like crushed peanut, not even enuf to fill the gaps between your teeth.

Tomorrow 0805 outing.Looking forward to it everyday. Gonna go marine parade to buy picnic stuff and use my ntuc dsicount. Haha

And really have fun talking to that particular person. Vent all my frustration. Finally can have a goodnight sleep. Hoho.

And i am looking forward to another ganesan's meeting=)

Tired of everything

2010-01-20T06:41:00.000-08:00

It been quite sometime that i blogged about my job. Things are as per normal, but seriously, i am quite pissed off with that stupid bitch.

Okie, i am not going to start cursing her in this post, because i will feel guilty if she really does. Somehow, my curse works more of the time, haha.

That bitch is getting super duper irritating, gettting on my nerve. But for those who know me well, pretending she is not there and treating her like a mad dog is not my style. My style is simple---You mess with me, you pay it back.

I guess the fp staffs never really see me losing my temper. Those constant quarrelling with the bitch is nothing compared to the real me.

Okie, enough bitching. And tomorrow is yet another day of fking with the old lady. Oops, dont mind my language, i realize thaT, i have to rough up myself to be more adaptable.

and haha, i am going to run ard my block at 11pm! No more procrastination.

Another week

2010-01-17T08:19:00.000-08:00

This whole week is hectic, leave me lil time to go jogging. But nonetheless, at least i got train weights.

Hate to pick lady's stuff. So many brands, and so confusing. Kotex, laurier, carefree, poise, fairprice brand. Plus you got the unscented, scented, wing, overnight, and overflow something. Worse still, you got the 10pieces, 32pieces and 40pieces. Arh!!

Okie, very tired. Duno why. Goodnight.

Scary

2010-01-14T08:14:00.000-08:00

oh my, this is scary.

And i am moody.

Infectious

2010-01-12T04:38:00.000-08:00

I didnt noe i am so infectious, haha. I still remember i created the phrase ''shityou'' from huiting's kana-sai. So that the resulting phrase is not that vulgar. Now, people who are close to me starts to use this phrase, and haha, common household phrase.

Haniffa got the fairprice job, and i am happy. Visha came, but went home. Hope she can work too. And i applied for the tuition job. Awaiting.

Hypocrites

2010-01-11T08:23:00.000-08:00

Can someone, for goodness sake, tells that person to stop faking. To stop acting like a saint, to stop being a hypocrite, to stop making use of people, and to stop treating people nice, yet backstab them at the back?

Love tong pei's msn nick----To err is human, to ahh is pornstar. Cool!

And there is people in the this world, who criticise people, who thinks that their idea is intellectual, and dumps others's idea into his own defined rubbish bin. What nonsense?

I feel that people who cant accept others' shortcomings are people who are plain dumb and stupid, pardon the bluntness(haniffa going to laugh at these words again).

And when their idea got rejected? They blamed others, not themselves.

Okie, mood swing over. Not going for open house tml. Work ends at 3 yet open hse ends at 4. Mdm tan sure going to ask them to pack extra early de, so no use going.

And i wanna watch horror movies with aurina and serene/or fara=)

Final Theory Test

2010-01-11T07:18:00.000-08:00

Another achievement, which is the passing of the final theory test. Make my mum and dad so happy throughout the whole day, guess i am really filial today.

Prac in 2 mnths time, gonna train hard. But today mood not aligned properly, so in the end, i ended up getting nagged by uncle ang for not braking properly.

Well, tml working. Another week of it. Tired. Humans adapt fast. Hiaz.

300th post

2010-01-10T08:24:00.000-08:00

You know, when they all say the feeling is surreal, i ususally do not understand what they mean.

Ytd 4e1 gathering was at raymond's house. The bbq took place at the rooftop, and most people are there. Glad that i can talk to people whom i really miss.

People complimented my height, my posture, and my hair style. But i would like to compliment their presence that night. Really touched to see so many familiar faces. And nice food too.

Final theory test in just a few hours time. Gotta sleep early. Feeling undescrible. Something like you are nervous, yet you are not at the same time.

If i pass tml, i can proceed to take my practical. Hopefully.

Goodnight=)

Another day

2010-01-06T08:12:00.000-08:00

Another day working, but feeling still the same. Lose my temper with the tissue auntie again, and i wont regret losing it to her, because she really deserves it. Someone bounds to do the job, to create blessing to the workers--my excuses to long quan haha.

Here the conversation:
Gavin: Tan, i need 'Top'
Tan: Okie
Tissue auntie:''Quick la, which 1 yours?''
Gavin: Everything mine la
gavin:Wait, this one capacity different, so its yours
Tissue auntie: *Screaming*YOU JUST SAID ITS YOURS, YOU ANYTHING ALSO DUNNO DE.
Gavin: See rong cannot huh?
Tissue auntie: KEEP ON SEE RONG, ALL DUNNO HOW TO DO.
Gavin: You everytime also order rongly then anyhow throw the tissues to me, now you kpkb so loud for what?
Tissue auntie:...

Then, i organize a strike, by telling lech and hann to go clear all her detergent and tissue, and if she asks, ask her to come find me. Then i clear all her mama lemon, so that she will get scolding by the manager for empty empty SHELL! Boo!

O level result is coming out on the 11th of Jan, so A level results should be released sooner or later.

Aurina called me 3 times today, and seriously i wanted to go for the interview, if not for the overtime. Nvm, friday ba. Gonna work for those extra fun and high paying jobss.

Some people just want to find trouble, yet their plans get backfired. Poor thing.

Emptiness

2010-01-05T08:01:00.000-08:00

This feeling of emmtpiness, the feeling likes when you doesnt feel right, and the feeling that everything is not gonna be the same anymore.

Sadly speaking, i thought that today work is gonna be the same as always. But with leon and jiangfeng resignation, plus dan dan saddish look this few days, and the really good temper myojo uncle who loses his temper today, i suddenly feels that everything seems so empty towards me.

The once chattery group we are, standing at a section behind ferraro rocher promotion, whispering in tandem at the big white shark.

The normally lame and funny dan dan, who tried VERY hard to learn english, but got mocked by jiangfeng as a result.

The i-thought-will-never-lose-his-temper uncle loses his temper at the biscuit uncle today, and man, it was scary. Something like a volcano eruption, and the supervisor have to come out to break the fight.

Ong changes shift too, loo shan as well.

In just a 3 days break from work for me, i came back to be met with such changes. I know it requires time for me to adapt, for things wont return to its original state. But, i seriously cant cope with the emptiness. The feeling is so surreal, and evvery minute spends there is like a nightmare, or a hallucination, or worst still, a reflection of my normal working days.

MAybe i did really enjoyed myself during work, to the extent that i took things for granted. Now everything is gone, and the desire to hope for everything to return, is really futile, but tempting.

Tomorrow is yet another day, and i bet the feeling wont go away. How how?? It is like losing a very close friend, and i am really tired today, to get past the 6 hours.

I guess changing job wont help also, not even a pay increase. Well, guess i am going to act cheerful as usual from tomorrow onwards, but aurina and serene sure will know my real feelings. Best pals they are, hearing my troubles and helping me in whatever ways they can. Thanks.

And my mum is dead against me working as waiter. Burger king phobia ba.

I am going for a job interview soon, a night job. This time, i think i want to try working in an evironment where everyone is stranger, so that such feelings wont come back again.

I need time to recuperate. Nowsadays, i seldom like to let out my feelings to people, and i kept to myself alot. I kept mum during my driving lesson today, and maybe because of that, i am able to pay attention to the road better, and i have make such great inprovement. Drove from my house to bedok, and from bedok to tampines, then circled around tampines for 8-10rds, then drove home. Only mistake is when i am near my home, and i almost collide into the kerb, as i suddenly got shocked thinking that i am going to pass my remaining holidays, working in ntuc and feeling EMPTY. Oh my, this is acry indeed.

Alot of people going for the bq this saturday, but i dun think i will be attending. Now it is not the time for me to get close to crowds, as it will be a paradox. Feeling so lonely in a crowd.

Guess this post is rather bored, as i am pouring out these 2 days frustration, sadness and emptiness. Mind also empty right now, and i guess i shall have a goodnight sleep, and embrace yet another day.

ANother lament

2010-01-04T07:53:00.000-08:00

Tata, finally knew that each hour pays me $4.54 and the so-called O-Level-cert-hand-in-got-pay-rise is not true after all. Which means, this job is unable to support my driving lessons well, plus supporting the hefty busfare.

Looking for alternative employment, and now, i feel that even working in orchard as waiter may not be worth all the money too, as the trip to orchard is gonna cost another bomb, plus the strict requirement and so on and so forth.

Gonna search for a night job, and nah, gonna hinges away from teaching. Currently, i hope tht i can continue to bluff myself that my current job still pays me 5 dollar and continues to work. But with so many nice people quitting ytd, the job now lefts with gloomy aunties and uncles, with no people of the same age to talk to. Leon and the other guy quit their jobs, and they applying for the waiter job at orchard. My mum is gonna be against this idea, so i guess i shall tell them i will not join them afterall.

Sad sia, prepared something for them to express my gratitude, and no more chance to give it to them, looks like this is a deadweight loss.
And some suppilier give me a pen and offer me yet another job. Considering!

Horoscope

2010-01-03T09:08:00.001-08:00

Addition to my previous post, after reading my horoscope, it encourgaed me to go make a new beginning in my career. Woohoo!

Interest Vs Money

2010-01-03T08:59:00.000-08:00

After rejecting the moe attachment, i thought that for once, i am able to work in a job that interests me, rather than a job that pays me well. I thought that i can accept the small amt of salary, and be happy daily.

But how far is this true?

I receieved my pay. After CPF contribution, it amounts exactly to 200 dollars, for 3 and a half weeks of work. Wth, i mean. Seriously, i dun mind paying the hundred plus bucks to CPF, but calculating per hour and the demands of the job, i realized that i earned less than the stated amt that the company promised. I mean, they promised to give us per hourly rate of 5 plus after handing in our O level cert, but reality shows it, it doesnt.

What does that prove? Either they are cheating our labour, or the O level cert worth nth. If it is so, please tell me, rather than leaving me in a stae of paranoia. Disgusted.

But i am still working of cos, but if opportunity strikes again, i will not give it up that easily now. Tomorrow is my big day, and i must prove my 5 cents worth.

Today receive merit bursary, a sweet cheque of 400 dollars. Plus the 200 bucks, i now have 600 bucks. Gonna pass everything to my mum for my driving lessons.

Seriously, now i realized that, i need more salary, plus the expensive adult fare. Oh dear!

But i must not give up!!

EAch week constitutes a challenge, and i must meet it, ahahahahah!

Withdrawn

2010-01-01T08:53:00.001-08:00

Kinda withdrawn throughout the day today. Been thinking abt lotz of stuffs, and numerous plans flashed through my head.

But what i think is the best of the plans are a lil bit risky. So need to re-plan tomorrow.

Year 2009---Reflections

2009-12-31T06:22:00.000-08:00

I still remembered clearly how i asked aurina to type 3 posts for 2009 last year, and we really did. Reading back the posts, i felt that i have fulfil much of my goals, and kudos to myself.

In a few hours time, 2010 is here. As usual, i dun like countdown.

2010 marks a new point in my life, maybe thats because it is my enlistment year. Well, here goes nothing, i can do it! And maintaining optimism and smiling in face of adversity have been taught to me, and i am proud to say that i have utilised them well.

2009 is a difficult year, as there are goals and expectations for me. Strangely, i dun dare to say that i am as stressed as my other friends. But one thing for sure, it is really a joy to study in JC and experience the ''stress'' the older generations often and repeatedly used.

Now, it is time for me to write a short summary of my feelings to those close around me. FOr those whose names does not appear, please do not feel sad or unhappy, as you should noe that you are important to me too=)

1. Aurina
Year 2009 should be difficult for her too, and i can see that she really tried. Felt happy to have a friend who makes friends with you, not because you are useful, but purely out of friendship. I have enjoyed the numerous outings and our lil baking process. May our friendship lasts.

2. Serene
She is really sweet, for hearing your troubles and helping in whatever ways she could. She often become the target of my insult, and i apologise. Doesnt mean it. Like aurina,it is really a joy to be friend with her. Moreover, the outing we had with aurina, the little solve-each-other-problems meeting we had, plus the weekly mr yee lessons=)---all these, are a joy too.

3. Qingshan
Fat fat fat, haha, insulted you again. Anyway, qingshan is a real friendly person, and her optimism plus true feelings to her friends never fade even in times of adversities for her. I am awed by her strength in handling obstacles, and sincerely hopes that from tomorrow onwards, she can learn not to be gullible. Seriously, the tau huay and mac meals with shan shan are really interesting and fun. Plus, thanks for waiting for my mum each time too, haha. Shall not forget this friendship we have.

4. Shan Shan
Though she is in China now, i hope she has a chance to read this. 2009 has been a year for me to witness the actions she have, to help a friend in need. And her motivation and determination to save a friend. I am awed too, by a true friendship, and i salute her with utmost respect. And i shall remember the rush we always had for meals before remedials, and the super duper big mouth she has. Haha.

5. Ziguang
2009 has been real busy for me, with the first four months handling pugi stuffs, and the rest of the year has been assigned with studying. Have been neglecting him, and rejecting his outing and stuffs. Nonetheless, always provide a listening ear, and yours truly for helping me get a silver for napfa. Thankfully.

After A level, this job in Fairprice (up to now) is fun and interesting. Like what my collegues said, i am the only one to say that. Unfortunately, some will change shift from next month onwards, and some may quit for their schooling. I am sad of cos, and for now, i think i shall try to help jiangfeng and leon as much as possible.
Till then, i shall take my leave now, and mark 2009 with a
Happy New Year

Another week

2009-12-31T02:00:00.000-08:00

Another week of work is going to be over, but this week is nice. Because i fulfil all my goals for this week. Happy.

Wanna do whatever i can to help leon and jiangfeng=)

And i officially announced that my principle ---i hate accusation, will not be placed first priority. Haha.

The milo auntie today told me something which i really like. It goes, ''Human beings are all the same, you treat me nice, i treat you nice too. I know you are kind to me boy, thats why i am kind to you too.''
(Just because i helped her carry 12 bottles of pokka lemon tea)

The diapers auntie is getting friendlier with me as the days passed. This is because lech told me that she has a back problem, so i offered for these few days, to carry her cartons for her.

And i feel that the tissue auntie is getting friendlier(hope so). She said bye to me just now. At least got some improvement.

Detergent auntie started to ask for my name, and started to laugh the problems off when the tissue auntie scolded her. haha, weird.

And I cancelled moe attachment.

Another outing

2009-12-26T09:15:00.000-08:00

Today outing, as usual, is fun. But today, it is the first time i learnt an improtant lesson from my pw mates. A real impt one that left me pondering throughout my ride home.

I woke up feeling lethargic, and wanna skip the outing. Started to call aurina and serene, but too bad cant meet out for dinner. Next weekend ba.

Then met my pw mates--qingshan, weisheng, huiting and felicia=). Went to settler's cafe to play board games, and oh gosh, the pw mates' image is totally destroy. You can hear a cacophony mixture of huiting screeching, felicia's laughing, qingshan shouting ''no,no''! LOl, i dun dare to join in, but is was so funny. HAHA!

we tried a variety of games, but the game i liked best is the coffin game. Dunnoe what game, but you have to prevent stepping o the tombstone with vampires.

After which, we proceed to starbucks and started playing monopoly. Look like today is a board-games-day. Had coffee frappe, nice=) And we play and play. I has the tendency to give a sinister laughter when i got a ''deal breaker''---which is to order all huiting's assets to mine. She was furious, and demand a repeat. Haha! She never get her revenge,of cos.

Then went to clarke quay's central 3rd floor food court. Had chicken rice, not bad. But guess is due to the empty stomach. Then we sat there and talked talked talked till 10 plus, until the uncle has to chase us out. We took mrt home, and i gobbled down an onigiri tuna. Not bad too.

OKie, monday working as usual. The 3 pickers are all so funny, gonna have a fun time with them.

Tml i have to force myself to go gym by hook or by crook!

Christmas

2009-12-25T08:17:00.001-08:00

Christmas, a normal day for me. Nonetheless, i celebrated it with my family. Had Jap buffet in Bedok Area, yummy! Then went parkway to shop. Homed.

I told myself that, it is time to use the common phrase that i used to shoot people, on myself---Smiling in face of adversities. Yup, adversity is round the corner, and it is time to act.

I prided myself to become more shrewd by the days, and not sit ard pretending that people will change by themselves. What they is a stimulus, yup, a stimulus.

ANd i am bringing charlene's gift to work on monday. The very cute orange chicken pencil.

Tomorrow going out with the clique's and PW members. I think i gonna leave early and visit the National Museum by myself. Because i dun think they will be interested in the display---Mummies. But, i shall have fun.

Nostalgic

2009-12-24T09:18:00.000-08:00

Scrolling down msn messenger list, i saw Guan Yu contact, and a wave of nostalgia hit me hard.

I still rmb this person works in paya lebar NTUC with me, and he is in charge of the cold section. How we joked and laughed, and a year later, i realized that he is the cousin of cassandra soh. Such a coincidence.

A great pal, indeed.

Trouble

2009-12-24T08:33:00.000-08:00

Christmas is here, but this year present is fking idiotic and terrible---an unpleasant news.

I hate it, when you are euphoric, and someone just has to spoil it. Heck with what ziguang always say--Accept it. This is terrible, i cant. I just cant believe i am downright unlucky, or ill-fated to possess this particular misfortune.

And also, why issit that this world is filled with so many stupid guys who fell to the cheap tricks employed? Come on, look at it. It has been so many times, and no one ever listen to me. Get a life, come on.

Not to mention those idiotic girls too. Their fringes must have covered their eyes, to make them blind. Pui!

Okie, anger is not vented. I just dun wanna associate with this shit. I am not going to be soft hearted for this time.

This world, so many people who dun even understand what are friends for. Friends are supposed to be someone who do not mind any differences amongst them, and able to co-exist and illustrate harmoniously in one perfect manner. Not looking at people's strength and using it to their own advantage. Or playing with peole's weakness, treating them like puppets. Like what qingshan said, throw them into the air, once on ground, step on it again. Evil.

Human nature is of cos flawed, flawed in numerous sense. But the extent, oh my gosh!

And i dun wanna care anymore, tml i gonna ask joanne, how to change my blog to private!

Compliment

2009-12-24T06:28:00.000-08:00

Got 2 compliment in 2 days consecutively, and i finally got my thumbprint entry. Make my day easier, and i esp love the ''thank you'' after yu remove the thumb.

Chubby hubby's wife talked to me today, surprisingly. She also gives me the impression that she is one fierce lady and will snap at anyone who talk to her. She even said goodbye to me. But like what Tan said, she is on the quest to ask me to switch job. Zzz.

Today is free, free 3hr of talking, yet we got paid. Joined the online pickers on the ''shopping'', and suggested ways to cook dishes with the dried stuffs. Haha, funny when yu seen that indian girl and Ong have the same unique taste. And the tuition teacher(sorry, i dun ask names) keeps telling me that only she and my taste is normal. haha.

Tau kee with gingko nuts, yucks! haha!

And i have fun with the walkie talkie. I am outside NTUC fairprice, and i can use it to contact people at the 2nd floor. FUn, but heavy.

Not working for 3 days, because stocks dont come in the next few days. So gonna use the time productively. Gonna finish up my studying, then go gym.

Today is a fun day. Talked craps, and laugh till drop.

And got this particular auntie damn poor thing. She tried to help that troublemaker-auntie, and got scolded and insulted. Sad. But i guess my jiayou hand signal to her cheers her up.

Unfortunately, the biscuit lady is nt here today. She can only speaks english, and is damn formal and polite! Oh my, enjoyed talking to her, haha!

Met a new person-Danny.

And to pei yan, i finally know where to find Chauvea Merlot, King fish Shiraz, and King Fish Merlot liao. haha!!!!!!!!

And i am aghast that pop corn can be made with only a few kernel. And how much cinemas profitted.

Okie, christmas tml, nth to do. Guess i shall use the time to study.

Saturday gg out with qingshan they all. After last week outing with huiting and qingshan and huiting's bro at toastbox, looking forward to this week outing because aurina and serene are gg.

Cool.

Exhausted

2009-12-23T06:17:00.000-08:00

Need to go gym again. But how is that possible when i lay flat on my bed(or sofa) when i reached home daily?

Work today is better, and i even got a compliment. Today i did something proud, i attitude-ed with the troublemaker-auntie, and i can see that she is shocked and beating a retreat. haha, but like what Tan said, old people are bound to cr8 more trouble.But well, who cares?

Today GLS is short and sweet, good for me. But i starting to get dizzy looking at the checklist. Thankfully, the 2 student and uncles working under fairprice is so kind to me. They helped me to unload and checked the quantity plus size for me. Thanks thanks.

And thanks to Ace who gave me a christmas present=)

Why issit that just when i felt happy, someone sure has to crush it?

And oh ya, finally showed to this uncle that i am nt one to be bullied. He ran off. Good.

Tml, another battle ensues.

Rawr

2009-12-21T05:39:00.000-08:00

Rawrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Work is getting more exciting. Have to learn to be more shrewd and alert. Rawr!

Driving is finally improving, and i am finally able to relax abit.

Felt that my stamina have improved over this week. Have to go gym tml.

Grrr!!!!

Alot of things to post, but too tired to really typed it all out.

Merry christmas, oops, a few days more.

Tired

2009-12-18T07:29:00.000-08:00

Damn, the job is cool and fun, but it is really tiring. I fell asleep when i reached home, then still have to attend driving lessons.

Driving lessons are fun and exciting. Ability to drive in real road and manoveur using yur own hands and legs felt really great. Looking forward to each lessons.

My job is fun too, though there are times when it is ultra boring when there is NO WORK for you.

My job is simple, i just have to take a clipboard, look at the stocks, and asked the people to carry it. But there are times when i felt damn irritated with the uncles and aunties. They can just snatched the clipboard from yu, and looked through the list themselves, in an attempt to prove tht they did not order the stuffs, so that they can push the blame to us.

I am told to be polite to them, as they can help me greatly. Looked like they creating more trouble for me.

But the people ard me are all so cool and funny. They can quarrel with each other and the next moment laugh like nobody business. They can act daMN fierce, then suddenly very gentle to you.

Thats why this job is so cool. Really love the moment when i am collecting stocks and doing admin.

SOmething happned during my work today which i dun wish to mention. Really angry yet touched at the same time.

Yawn, gonna sleep soon. Tired...

Vexed

2009-12-15T04:01:00.000-08:00

I feeling very vexed now, certain things just dun go away, and this is very irritating.

Anyway, supposed today go work last minute, but didnt manage to go becus i miss my call. Went to clinic to do a medical checkup, and didnt bring out my phone. In the end, when i came back, i received 12 missed calls.

Okie, so tml starting work.

Grr

2009-12-11T09:17:00.000-08:00

Bad mood lately. The stupid ear just dont heal. I ORDER YOU TO HEAL NOW!! Arh!!

Yup, ear infection back. This time worst still. But, up to now they cant identify the sources yet.

Maple is getting boring. Dota too. Almost complete parasite eve, few more maps to go.
Hvnt even open my final theory book, must study before next week, if not my first driving lesson gonna be blur to me haha!

Tomorrow going out with rasina and pei yan. Eil not sure if she joining us. But oh my, so sad that berlisa cant join us. Was hoping she can wear the gothic dress and stand in the middle of the bus interchange=) =) OOps, sorry!!!

ANyway, gonna drink starbucks tomorrow. But we can only go out for 5hrs because rasina need to be back by 6. Can de can de, can do it one!

Has been jogging twice for this week. Jiayou. Oh ya, met mrs lee ytd, my chinese teacher during pri sch. She still recognize zg and me. And talked for so LONG! But, realise that my studying method is the same as what she called the ''oldies''. Part of the conversation wound around the topic on singaporean is so stressed on, difficult to maintain work and leisure>>>Remind me of my A level. HAhaHA!

CAnt sleep well these few days, mainly of these stupid infection. And i finally finish watching Fruit BAsket. Ending is touching, brought me to tears. But somehow, feel that no other anime can replace it lor, like quite difficult.

On the other hand, on the down down side, it seems to me that some parents are damn selfish. They teach their child to be wary of people, so that their child wont lose out in the future. I mean, come on, being successful in this world does not require backstabbing if one is willing to put in the hard work. No need those fanciful words coming out from hypocrite, just a plain old dagger stabbing into you. Sad huh this world?

melissa and i are planning a sentosa outing. More seems like the poly students have yet to finish their exam. Nvm, planning is gonna be easy this time round. Not gg to push it just because of some last minute nonsense.

Weird dreams and nightmares these few days too. Maybe is the infection fault. Arh!!

I thought that by optimism, i can survive better and adapt faster in NS. But right now, it is scary how time pass so fast. Damn!

Jobs

2009-12-08T09:59:00.000-08:00

I wonder why, i kept complaining that i am not gg to find job as i need my holiday, but deep down, i really hope to earn some money and help my mum pay off my driving lessons.

I rejected a job offer today, mainly because it requires me to travel to different people home.

Wanna go out often, dun wanna rot at home. Tml gg jogging alone, maybe thats best for me. Dun really liked to be envious of people, because deep down, i knew it is redunctant.

Anyway, rasina just asked me to apply a job with her. She got it, but i waiting for someone reply on another job. If i got it, then i wont join rasina.

Wanna go b to teaching, but i will miss my hair colour. Have finally accepted it, and i dun wanna dye it back black.

Fruit basket is really nice, though some may disagree. And i hate those who dont grow mature at all after this years, never considering both sides of arguments and just blatantly stick to their own point, which is childish.

Charlene and shireena asked me if i am going to club next week. Arh, not intending to go, because i still havnt recover from the shock. Arh!

Okie, have been shifting my biological clock nearer and nearer to normal. And i need to start studying tomorrow. Little time left, so much to learn.

Oh well, at least A level is over, it just seem surreal.

Post-prom

2009-12-05T09:28:00.000-08:00

Class prom and post prom occur on the same day, and it was great.

Class prom started in Brewerk in clarke quay, a place that sells beer and stuffs. Shared an India Ale with the girls and the beer is nice. Food wise, i feel that more cna be improved. Then chatted with the class and i learnt that ice cream is not made from ice. LOl.

After which, walked along singapore river and took snaps. Photos waiting to be uploaded.

Then, went to Yellow Jello and have shots. Nice though, but not strong enough. Oh ya, aurina must thank serene and i to cover shots for her=)

After which, went to post prom in Rebel. Its like the whole school trying to fit into the dance floor, and man, it is crowded and noisy.

Saw a lot of obscenity and well, guess it is time to be open abit and accomodate such scenes.

Gonna miss 0805 soon, for they are 1 bunch of people worth making friends of.

Hangover, so gonna sleep now. Bye.

...

2009-11-19T07:06:00.000-08:00

Arh, how?????

Using my laptop now. Felt weird even after days of using. Nop, i am not slacking, i am just trying to integrate my learning using IT. But looks like it does not help much.

Saw alot of corpse after econs paper, not trying to be gorish but well, literally.

Hope tomorrow case can be something more exciting, something that is better than the dreadful essays. Oh dear, what are the problems for determining price? Lol.

And i suddenly got this bad habit to integrate Obama into my answer. Must try to stop doing that.If not no coherence.

Downloading Adobe reader now. Stop laughing, i noe this laptop is screwed. Lol.

Gonna do a review for class 0805 soon, after A level. Been a year plus, have to make final contribution. Nonetheless, so proud of the bus interchange analogy that serene, aurina and me thought about. Haha.

Grr, quick download finish!!! i want sleep liao.

Oh ya, weather nowsdays so frosty. Have to walk around the hse in a sweater, not literally. Flu is incoming, and sleep is the best refuge. But well, 4 more papers and A level is over. Having mixed feelings, the kind when you want it to be over, yet got that sense of cant let it go.

Oh dear, i am so so in love with left 4 dead, the game!! Though amber just mentioned it, and i got bored from econs and went online to check, oh dear again, the packaging, the game scenario, the in-gavin-blood favourite---RPG! Oh my!!

ANd my mum just installed a Dissigia ff into my PSP, and being bored again, i tried it out and oh god, the appearance of vivi, steiner and zidane almost got me fainted.

Addicted, and i so so gonna buy l4d. Though alil obiang since l4d2 is out, but then, thats me!!

Nvm, dont worry, i am not addicted. I pride myself to have strong discipline, when to play, when to study, when to sleep and eat. Haha.

4 more papers, 2 more weeks, jiayou!

Hope so.

2009-11-14T07:33:00.000-08:00

Hope that this blogskin wont be under construction anytime soom, because it is definitely difficult to force my sis to search for me.

Anyway, a few weeks passed since i blogged, quite surprised at the speed of things. maybe this is the time when the common phrase,''when you are doing things that you dont like, time would pass so slow'' dont work.

Well, like the serenity of the environment in Starbucks and Mac. ( Is serenity, not serene, in case aurina and qingshan jump at the joy of that word!) Yup, like starbucks and macs atmosphere. Totally give you the mood.

Looking forward to the 23rd!! Must go out with aurina and serene!! Woohohoohoho!! Then 4th is post prom=)

Oh ya, rather touched today when shan shan suddenly mentioned that she is going to send air mail to me on my birthday next year. Although i guess she will most probably forget abt it, was rather happy that she has the sincerity.

Suddenly quite moodless this few days. The weather is so nice, all i want to do is sleep! Then after woken up, felt so sleepy that after dinner i went b to sleep. Cannot cannot, must study econs!!

Aurina, birds of the same feather flock together! =)

Anyway, maybe wont be blogging for the next few days either. MOnotonous life are not worth blogging.

And i am damn ''on'' about going Egypt! I am going to either psycho qingshan or ang sian to go with me! Haha!

Moving back:
2 weeks ago(thats long ago) went to zg's birthday party. Before that, i was with my family at downtown east mac. WHile they were eating, i am rushing the 3 chem papers that i am suppose to finish the next day for chem consultation. In the end they didnt come except serene.

Then go his chalet, ate a lil bit(becus i just finished mac) and crapped with edwin. Edwin suddenly act ''kind'', offer help to bbq the food, and of cos, drag me in! We then competed on whose chicken wings the nicest, however, we didnt manage to eat because edwin have to rush home. Shared a cab with me, and during the ride he was like telling me his goals and plans for the next few years.

Lol, only he would have such time to do all that stuffs.

Well, sleepy again. Sleep=)

A few more days

2009-11-03T22:03:00.001-08:00

A few more days, arh!! Cant wake up for econs today, or rather i did wake up in time, but the case study seems strange to me. I actually dont know what to write. I dun like to attend lectures without doing homework, so in the end i decide to skip it.

At first gg for GP, but mr yee got pw. So yup, have to go to sch tml for chem and gp. Woo, rush rush rush!!

Addicted to youtube videos!!

And i think that SAJC paper are not as easy as jaonne sounds. Arh!!

But nonetheless, shant blog so much, gonna move on!!

A few more days, and 4 more weeks, it will be over!

Thanks for the encouragement from mr yee, mr nandwani and mdm tan. I still recalled that when i am having consultation with mr yee, mdm tan suddenly pop out and then shout jiayou! Scare me as i didnt even realise she is there, and for the first time mr yee spoke in chinese! haha!

But stress lei. Mdm tan laid down her expectation for me. Oh my. Apparently she compare me with kee yong and terence. Oh dear, those 2 pro freaks can manage 2008 papers easily lor. Yet, i am still struggling on whether an asymptote still exist for 1/f(x). Hiaz, jiayou!!

Okie, bye! Sorry aurina for ps-ing you. Shall tell you what happen to my hse ytd that make me dont dare to go sleep!

Wee

2009-10-30T01:46:00.000-07:00

So happy=) For no apparent reasons.

haha!! haha!! Haha!!

Tomorrow ziguang birthday party at coasta sand, at first dont feel like going de, but then, his birthday is equally impt!!

Arh, wanted to plan a surprise for him de, but then i actually do lazy to go make it works.

Hope fara can go, then i can bully her again. Wakakaka.

Alamak, thought before a level can attend the outing planned by melissa and pooh. In the end cancelled, but nvm, thats life.

And i am bringing my partner=)

Yahhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Grr

2009-10-27T09:02:00.000-07:00

My mother asked me not to bother with that person anymore, but it seem that that nagging feeling is like...

Well, maybe thats me, for being so soft-hearted, always felt pitiful for ppl easily, and wanted to try my best to help them. But the problem is, people tend to filter me out, thinking that i am over paranoid or that certain things that i foresee will happen are just plain old Guru trying to reap some profits.

Things are so tense now, people are getting more desperate, to the extent that some actions warrant disgust from me. I already knows what will happen, history is there to repeat itself, and the upholder of this particular segment of history, will continue to weave chunks and chunks of recollections, unless removed, forgotten.

But how? Well, i mentioned to qingshan, that unless that upholder are dealt with justice, then maybe that person will just retreat into the shadows, wallow in the cave of sorrow and guilt.

The thing is, when? How many more are to be hurt from the person's despicable ways to obtain info? There are many more.

Which brings me to a memory that i treasure. The piece when i know that person just got the retribution. I celebrated.

Warning to those, wake up, look at people around you. Notice the sudden change in attitude, their actions and arouse your suspicion! Dont be a fool, thinking that kindness begets kindness in this world. people around you make you feel obliged to give them sympathy and once they got it, they reward you with ignorance, treating you like a bigger fool.

I told myself that right after i posted this, i shall stop being so advisable. If a particular person do not want to heed my advice, and months later come and regret it, well, i could only sneer at that person, and said, ''you deserve it''.

Yup, it is time, that i grow up, to be more mature. Something cant be the way you wanted. Utopian is hard to achieve, and the pursuit of utopia may lead to more harms than good. Therefore, i will only pursue it, until a point where my conscience told me to stop.

Thats it then. Goodnight and goodbye.

New blogskin

2009-10-27T05:38:00.000-07:00

New skin, everything furnished by my sis. Thanks and happy birthday.

Oh ya, nothing to blog about, except that i overslept everyday and didnt go to school haha! This sat ziguang birthday party at DT. Okie, a lil anti-climax for him since i am gg there to smile at my Econs=)

Moodless, but well, it is going to come soon!! Woo!!

Currently hook on to some mayday and fang da tong songs.

Happy birthday to Haniffa too(4 years have passed)

Oh dear, i am getting older T_T.

Quite angry with someone for the past few days.

And my enlistment date is April 26, school 1. Got months and months to relax, finally can show zg how no life poly students can be! Haha!!!!

Post prom dec 04, looking forwrd to it, another class outing. I love class outing.

My mum just brought a shirt for me, 30 dollars from Bugis junction. Suddenly realise that my mum has taste and fashion sense too.

Currently thinking of what to buy for rasina birthday. Expect something nice=)

random

2009-10-19T10:34:00.000-07:00

Just some random stuffs, as i was printing and scrolling b to my past archives. Wow, the changes.

Surprised that i can be so funny last time, creating jokes out of nothingness, which woo! major hit!! hehe.

Anyway, it is a natural processs that i am devoid of happiness now. Normal lah.

And oh ya, was just mentioning to aurina that my consumer surplus for the post prom is woo~~rocket high!!

Jialat, too econish nowsdays. Can link everything to econs, including the depreciation, appreciation of aurina and serene, proectionism during TRADING, and exchange rate market. This is called fun learning=)

Well, just printed some of my old blog posts and intend to share among my clique tomorrow. Good things are meant to be shared.

Proud that i have ironed my clothes and going for gp tml. Because i took a peek at the question paper and realise that the topic is fun. But i am looking forward to doing the compre on ''Dignity of language''. Just finished individualism and nazism.

Woo!! Which i dun uderstand up to now=)

Arh, i want go chomp chomp!!

And i got a sudden urge to go Vivo to join my family for dinner tml. Lets see then.

And i have agreed to go for an extreme make over by 2 consultants-aurina and serene. Apparently aurina is crazy abt dressing me up, to have a style like fan g da tong. Well up to her, because her idea sound so interesting. HAHA!

And yup, 2 am soon. Gonna sleep. Nowsdays quite scary at home alone, thinking of those ghosts and ~~EEE!!

KTV

2009-10-19T06:55:00.000-07:00

Beginner addiction, thats why aurina said.

Went to KTV with ziguang and pei yan, but pei yan ah ma got admitted to the hospital. So in the end, both of us went. Very cheap, 5 people 6 hours only 32 dollars. No good, and drinks are 1 dollar ea. And wow cool, the tech equipment. All touch screen de.

Tml got GP mock, dont feel like gg. Damn lazy to iron clothes. Plus family decide to extend their stay in Genting. That the plus plus for driving thru MY to Thailand. haha!

I love Dplus bread, it is made of natural yeast, and yum=)

And i found a new ou xiang, and that is fang da tong. haha!! Ziguang bdae is coming, donno what to buy for me. Siannified...Esp when he dont even want to give me cluess. Grr!!

Nvm, if gavin have no idea, he shall turn to his 2 planners, fara and rahmah. I also dunno what to do during his chalet party also. Hiaz..

Tml meeting her once more, it is gonna be damn awkard. But well, for the sake of her, i must be angry!

Glad that zg enjoys Eyes on me too. haha. Finally find a zi-ji.

Woo!!

Happy

Sad

Angry

Moodless

Perfect concoction for mixed feeling,

And oh ya, the marine parade wanton mee and fish meat noodles are damn yummy! I told myself to pamper myself oneday with Anderson 10 dollar icecream. But not now, have to pay for post prom thingy tml. Woo!

Family coming b tomoorow. Finished up all my housework. Taken my supper.

Right until now, maybe i changed my plan. I may be skipping gp tml. They gg thru ans, which mean i most probably dont understand if my ans is correct anot. hAHAH!

Okie, chatting with fel now.

Guilt

2009-10-18T11:20:00.000-07:00

Expecting a whole afternoon of guilt tomoorw, because going to sing K again. Haha.

Remembered this phrase ''Drug dealer creates a need, and he fills the need''.

Wow, same situation haha.

Hmm, cant fall asleep now, maybe of the Frappe i drank just now.

And oh ya, my tenants cannot aim when they pee. I am not going to wash the toilet for them! Let them soak themselves with urine and shit! I dun care!!

lalala~~ Spent the whole day researching on mendel and his works. Quite interesting.

Then whole day online facebook, after which went to eat with zg.

Tml gg k with zg and py.

Family coming home from thailand tml~~

AND I AM NOT GG TO WASH THE TOILET!

I washed it today in the afternoon, because they dont flush!

Then right after i took a nap, i woke up to see that it is stained with pee!

Pissed me off, just when i want my mum to come back from thailand to see that all the housework are done, such things have to occur.

Grrr!!!!

Feel like posting a post-stick and write,''Please aim! If not, lick off the stain!''

Well, i know i am disgusting but well, just imagine!

haha!! haha!! haha!!

Dang, almost 2.30am now. Goonaa go sleep liao.

Moving

2009-10-17T07:03:00.000-07:00

Ever heard of someone moving into a house while it is under construction?

Well, in context, i am writing in a blog that is under construction. have to wait for my mei to come back from thailand to repair it for me.

But now the issue, why would i want to wrtie in this blog then?

Today is NYJC Graduation 2009. Watched the super ultra lame video which Miss tan is harping in Chem lesson. But seriously, i felt that it is real good. The teachers put in efforts, hhahaha.

Right after that, went to Kbox in cinnelesire with half of the class. Damn fun, but felt damn sleepy. maybe it is the dim light plus the cool place. yawn~~

had fun, and looking forward to have another kbox trip.

But then, all happiness are short-lived.

I talked to shan shan ytd for almost 1.5hrs. I held back my tears as i told her what happened. It really sadden me, that i can do nth. Serene just sent a sms to me, kind of consoling. Shan shan's advice too.

But then, lets consider it a test ba.

On a lighter note, the report card is out. Quite satisfactory. Improved alot.

And oh ya, aurina, serene and me prepared 30 cups, cards and cookies for the class. Hide them in pugi room. haha! Then i gave a speech during CT, thought by the 3 of us, and nandwani went on to said that it is a well-said piece.

But then, the cup is broken. thread is broken. premonition?

My mum say yes, shan shan say no.

But deep down, i oledi knew, it is all lost.

5.00pm

2009-10-09T02:05:00.001-07:00

it is 5 now, hiaz..

Anyway, cant read aurina blog, dunno why.

Printer out of ink, make me irritated.

Jia yen came to me and said,'' Gavin, work hard huh? Pugi members must go up and shake hands with Mr Quek.''

Nostalgia, remember the day when ellene told mdm tan that it is no use feeling proud of our seniors only, because year 2008-09 pugilistic batch, 100% will go up and get our results.

Lol, to irritate mdm tan, all of us supported the idea.

100%...

Well, one thing to be proud of is ''birds of the same feather flock together.'' Aurina and I had fulfil our aims and goals of JUMP grades for econs. Yup, both of us JUMP! From a U to a C. 4 grade jump=) Well, the next goal, A? 2 more jump=) We can do it!!

Same grade, almost same mark, haha. No wonder they says peer influence is good sometimes.

Well, stress! Worry. Slacking everyday, gg out everyday. Waste time, but no choice.

Hiaz

2009-10-07T06:42:00.000-07:00

Having a rather bad mood this few days, plus weights like going for a plunge.

Damn drownsy and tired everyday, and today when i was in the bus, suddenly dreamt that we are supposed to hand in our MJC paper to Aurina. I was nudging the paper at her but dunno why, just when she is gg to take it from me, she just float away.

Maybe the Graduation pressure is weighing down on me.Quite sad that such fun days are going to be over. Times really flies.

Thinking back, no wonder Mrs loke said,''The most difficult paper i ever sat for is A level, but the most fun i had is during JC.''

Mr neo mentioned that he has a vision of the possible questions. When he said that, i suddenly felt nausea. Suddenly a gush of questions and ans suddenly pop thru my mind, and i can like imagine how the paper will look like. Scary though. But, after i took a nap, i cant remember most of the qn.

Started to cultivate interests in my dear econs, doing essays with fun, and looking forward to the camp. Well, gonna go do DHS paper 2 now. Plus chem acjc touch up. Bye.

Insult

2009-09-30T08:39:00.000-07:00

Today must be the day when i felt insulted.

For my handwriting.

Never once has this problem occurred. But now, for this prelim, every subjects penalized me for my handwriting, except economics(maybe not yet).

Chem penalized me for 1 mark, for the word ''unabsorbed complementary colours''

Bio penazlied me 3 marks, for me change in letters for tay-Sachs and normal individual.

GP zai sia, whole essay practically every para also got ''i cant read'' and overall comment is ''Improve your handwriting''

Maths penzalied on my vectors, when the postion vectors symbol i used is P and R, so yup...

Really sadden me, put me into a rage today. Reason is very simple, it really not worth it.

And i realise that, i dunno why people like to spread my marks like some wild fire or thingy. They can just come to you, ask for your mark, and if you dont tell them, they said,''I know you get this __''. Not once, but more than once.

So what the use of asking? And i dont like the way The GP tutor tarnish my GP script with ''i cant read''.

As i am complaining to my mum and aunt, i dunno why i started crying. I just felt i got bullied or otherwise. I mean, i cn easily pick someone script from the population and i dare say their handwriting is worst than me. Yet, who ask them lucky? Do different qn for GP so different marker=at least the tutor not that blind.

Reason why i felt so unfair? The marker didnt mark my AQ. It toally, distort the planning i have if they chose to omit 1 whole page. Like that i only have 1 pt. Wow!
Too bad i dont have a scanner, if not i will just scan it up.

Real bad mood now, so please jolly well dont ask to read my script to see how the examiner mark it. If not, that person will be suay enough to get scolded by me. IRRITATED!

Ear infection

2009-09-29T07:20:00.000-07:00

Had ear infection for almost 3 weeks. Today finally went to the clinic alone.

Wow, clinics function under profit maximising issit? Some flushing with WARM water ,6 times, already 30 dollars. wa!! Just imagine, if i ever has a chance of beeing a doc, then muahaha, laughing all the way to bank.

But then, being doc is like not my nature. Getting money when people is sick. Oh my, like luo jin xia shi.

Today surprisingly, i did expectedly well for my econs. Wasnt quite what i expected. When the teachers gg through the ans, i was like oh my god-ing all the way. Either i write nonsense, or i have no time to write. Well, at least i improve by alot. Hmm, must keep it up.

For maths, well, not bad la. But then, wei sheng statistics mark oledi my overall marks liao lo. And oh ya, I am printing the bio and now, and oh my god!! I realise something! They like forget to mark something.

Oh ya, was damn tired ytd, slept while waiting for melissa photos. Nvm, next time ba. Natashah reminded me of something, which i should heed.

Looking forward to the picnic at 11 Oct. This time planners are melissa and winnie. At Henderson Wave or something. Wee!!

Okie, time to eat pills. I hate pills, hate swallowing pills. And oh ya, i think i finish 6 questions of the tutorial then dont do liao. hahah!

6 Pride Outing

2009-09-28T07:29:00.000-07:00

Well, today marks the end of 2009 Prelim exam, well thats fast. I didnt expect it to come and go so fast.

Nonetheless, today was the collection of chem paper 1 and 3, bio 1 and 2. I did pretty well, much more than what i expected. Well, but have to wait for the rest then can make conclusion.

Today was the long awaited 6pride outing=) Planned by fara,rahmah and me, everyone met at downtown east. We have lunch at mac, then bowling. Wow, first time play, virgin ball is drain-ball. But subsequent balls not bad, at least clear 1 ball clear almost all.

Then we have pool, then buffet at hei sushi. Food is not that nice, but well, it is the coming together.

Was so tired, waiting for melissa to upload the photos, then i gotta go sleep. yawn~

HAHA

2009-09-26T07:49:00.000-07:00

Do you have felt a sense of happiness, when you know that someone you have not seen for years, are doing well all along?

Well, that did for me.

Anyway, i was reading jake's blog this afternoon, and i chanced upon one post which describe his encounter of a girl who cried during lecture. Indeed, i totally agreed with him. Crying out loud is not a weakness. You are not showing your weakness to others, but instead, telling people that you realise that you are flawed by nature, and is repentant of moving on.

Emotions cant be controlled. Therefore, whenever people cry, one shouldnt just make a conclusion immediately about the person-that he/she is a weakling.

Instead, one should take on a new perspective, look at the person, reflect upon yourself, and asked:''Am i really flawed?''

I still remembered there is a time i cried in sec3, when a group of my classmates accused me of cheating in chem. I got full marks btw, while the rest failed. I denied having a re-test, and that stupid teacher has to tell the class that,''if gavin dont want retest, then no retest for you all.''

Seriously, i can understand that my friends accused me because they wanted the re-test. But then, i do not want a retest because i do not want to stay back and do the test, for which i have full confidence that i can get full marks again.

After that, yup, i still went, and got a full mark. However, it seem to me that the retest is nth helpful to the rest. But well, a hope is a hope, i shall not grudged on it.

Nonetheless, i am totally freaked out by phobia2 that i am still on the ''paranoid'' state now. Arh!! Such nice movie.

Well, the navy force just sent me an invitation to sign on. And they gave me a board of my name. So nice, shall upload picture next time, because i am damn lazy to do so.

Gotta go do some last min pri sch outing before sleeping. Bye.

P.S. I shall speed to the outing place right after chem paper return! Woo!

Arh, that feeling.

2009-09-25T23:35:00.000-07:00

This whole week, the papers are just plain difficult. It just seems like it paper after paper of obstacles. Luckily the week ended fast.

Yesterday went out at nigth with ziguang and fara to watch phobia2. Hell, the movie is damn scary. Gorish+scary. It seems like eternity then the movie is over. For once, how i hope the movie can end fast, because my poor heart cant take so much shocks and gore. In the end? Scare until need ziguang to accompany me home, with my knee injury acting up once more.

After going home, slept immediately. dreams after dreams took place.

Never mind, suddenly mood swing now. Damn bad mood for nth. Bye!

Life is full of mutants.

2009-09-21T21:45:00.000-07:00

Well, tomorrow is chem paper, but i guess i shall take some time to blog while i am checking out some stuffs.

These few days, i felt very irritated. The sudden urge to yell at someone, to ask the person to get lost from my life. Well, like what ziguang said, this fate, i have to deal with it.

I felt sad today, maybe because the maths paper really put me down. But what could i do then? I think i tried my really best to to minimize the questions left blank. As i jump, these words keep on popping out from my mind,''aiya, sacrifice ba, waste time doing it.'' I M aghast.

I do not really know if i can go for the chalet anot. I have to wait for my enlistment date.

Ehh, i got lots to say, but too irritated and moody to type it all out. Grr.

4bia

2009-09-19T06:39:00.000-07:00

rather sad and deprived today. Cant manage to watch 4bia sneaks. Fara arnt suppose to watch it during fasting period, and zg plus edwin nt free. Then wanna study at the same place again, but then too lazy go out. Jason cheong dun dare to meet edmund.

Walk walk ard today. Quite fun la, but then the mood hor, very weird.

I am very disturbed by someone. Attitude getting worser.

But well, what can i do??? fate ma.

Dunno why when i typed till here, suddenly remember mu en and angles. Well, something weird.

P.S. haniffa miss me? Rock and roll!!

Grr

2009-09-18T06:43:00.000-07:00

Week 1 of prelims is over, but do away with the cliche, i shant blog abt how i felt abt the paper, since the majority of the comments can be obtained from others blog.

Well, looking at the tagboard, i guess it shall be good for the readers to know what this person is doing. This person has a bad reputation in my sec school, depressed plus anti-social. Recently, someone in our class tagged us a class photo taken during a maths lesson, and this bastard starts to insult all of us, to the extent of insulting our parents. He didnt noe who he is offending. I can be sued by some stranger, so i dare to go and meet him under his block tml.

Grr.

Wanted

2009-09-15T21:15:00.001-07:00

This is WANTED notice. Anyone with their contacts or house address or any form of communication with them, please report to Gavin. Reward: Thanks.

1. Winnie
2. Chong Wei
4. Thurston
5. Ahmeeru
6. Fazel
7. Shamirah
8. Saiful
9. careen
10. Ira
11. Xiao Yuqian

Looking forward to the pri6 gathering. Planning it in the midst of my exam=)

Oh my god, parody of life. that Jason suddenly insulted us. The panacea? berlisa!! Ask berlisa to grab him and shake him hard on his collar. HAHA. Goota see how hainffa,munirah, eileen got to reply to his insult. For me, well, looks i better dun mess with him, since he live SO NEAR to me and maybe if i insult him b, he will burn my flat. AHAHA.

Another one

2009-09-10T09:46:00.001-07:00

Another one pop out a few days ago, making this a realistic dream after all.

Jiajun neo is a primary school friend of mine, one which i totally have no recollection. I dun remember him before ziguang showed me the class photo. He was just standing behind me. Scary, when yu thought of someone who has so close proximity to yet cant remember.

And so, we went to have supper just now, and he gives us the friendly kind of look. No embarrassment, no flittish washy, we just plunge into a deep conversation. then i realise, in case i forget any1 real soon, i better host a pri school gathering.

And i plan it on marking Day, 1 day after my bio paper. I wanna go out. weee..

How i wish i can meet hongyao, fazel, ahmeeru, atiqah they all. Even chongwei. looks like this is gg to be tough, but well, lets try.

Anyway, gotta go since i still got lots to study. Bye.

Recovery

2009-09-07T07:38:00.000-07:00

Wasted this few days, down with a bout of flu, fever and sore throat. Totally feel giddy when i look at the notes and stuffs. arhh!

So ya, totally disrupt my plan. Kind of worrying though, as i have nt even reach half way for econs. Well, i dun wish to fail econs this time rd, so must use the remianing of this week econs econs econs.

But i am still sick. Even with 3 clothes i am still feeling cold. Food seem to be unpalatable. Totally spoil my mood.

Well, thanks to those who sent the ''get well soon'' message to me. Touched.

Anyway, on a lighter note, prelim is coming and it is only 2 weeks long. Well.. After that, maybe got pri3 gathering. Really miss those people. Esp weiling and hongyao. They are good friend. ( sorry weiling, forget you in my class too. HAHA)

Well, talking abt face dun change, i was talking to a pri3 friend of mine, and he said that he saw me in TM with aurina and serene. I mean, it means years, yet he recognised me. Well, my face dun change. Nvm.

Have fun criticising zg blog. haha.

Grr, illness, please shoo! I need strength. Jiayou!

primary 3

2009-09-04T08:28:00.000-07:00

Thanks to Koh Ting Ting who uploaded it, with gratification.

When i looked at this pic, the ''qing tian pi li'' feeling hits me immediately. Tons of memories hit me that i have to sit there and mumbled oh my god to myself for like dunno how many times.

I remember back then that i was sitting behind in the class, and the first person i ever talked to is my neighbour, and my best friend subsequently: Idy Chua.

gavin: You are fat.
Idy: Teacher~!

Lol, up to now, i still remember her expressions and words clearly.

next up is Kim Wee, or maybe not this spelling.

I am a rather problematic kid who dread school each day. parents have to be called down frequently and a B3 is seem like an 'A' to me. Others are scoring in the class, yet i am pulling the MSG down. The only source of entertainment is to compete with Kim wee, where our marks fluctuate between 50-55. Haha.

Top 3 in class is never my take, except the last few positions. I always wonder why schools are created.

Bringing on, i venture into pri 4 failing eng always, thus this demoralised my passion for eng. And right in pri 5, zhu ziguang impacted my life.

Well, so happy now. Especially the fact that i was like telling zg that it is impossible to locate pri sch friends again, but justb a few days ltr, all friends are locate. Thanks ting ting.

Well, GP today, hmm, difficult.

Enjoy

2009-09-01T10:09:00.000-07:00

Enjoy.

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Hiaz

2009-08-30T08:16:00.000-07:00

A comment just irritated me so that i really have to divert my attention to blog about this.

Ytd i spent like an hour or 2 updating kee yong of what has happened to Pugi. We chatted and chatted and realised that pugi times are fun, a highlight in your sch life. Unfortunately, there sure exists some black sheep among the cohort each year, which is hard to deny.

Solution: Remove it.

When Shi hao claimed that he got unknown stress and requested to quit, i throw into a fit which up to now, i still remember how my arms shake uncontrollably as i tried to control not to throw my books at his face. I was thinking during that times, that there are other who felt so sad who cant even get an exco position, while this piece of snail, blessed with this position, yet took it for granted. It really irritates and irks me to utopian level.

Then i told myself during the next meeting, to give him a chance. But unfortunately, he interrupted my every sentence and even when the rest of the pugi agreed to let him back, he still said that it is useless for us to do so much to him.

My only words to him are: Then i have nth for you. Leave.

Up to now, whenever i see him loitering in the atrium and walking ard doing nth, i felt like gg to him and asking him to study. Since he quitted the CCA for nt having enuf time, he is aparently nt maximising the use of his time. Which mean somehow or another, i felt betrayed.

Tracy just told me that he is in another CCA now, which irks me more. I wonder, it toally defeats the purpose of him giving us the reasons then. or rather, to put it blatantly, he is not giving us the real reason why he quit.

kee yong said that if he were there, he will pawn his ass. Eileen loo string of vulgarities are deemed as the most appropriate choice of words during the meeting.

As for me, he shall get prepared to receive a rough road ahead, for i have warned that if anyone just treaded my foot, you face the consequences, even if you have to beg me to forgive you, sorry!

I am not cold blooded, i gave a chance, you misued it, out you go.

Right now, i am trying to accept zuyao once more. I am talking to him, no longer isolating him. Smsming him, and even attempt to buy a bdae card for him. But the same circumsatnces will also set in. Misused=Out!

Okie, gona go do something of my interest now. Bye.

Hectic

2009-08-28T00:47:00.001-07:00

This week pass like a breeze, laugh more than ever, with all those lames stuffs that shan shan and qingshan have been saying. Enjoyed all those little trips we made to serangoon central and waiting for the bus 58. Even the tiniest joke also take up some place in your heart.[Modified from shan shan]

Been real busy this week, with lessons ending like 5 plus each day. Wake up this few days to meet a rainy and nice weather-day. Feel proud of myself to drag myself out of the bed.

Have been worrying, because i dunwanna history to repeat itself.

Ytd badminton game is fun, after 2 hrs of consultation with mrs wong. Now my butt ache like hell.

Wrote a gp essay during my ride to school, with the comment for the essay being: Illegible handwriting. -.-''

But anyway, it took little small steps to obtain a big steps.

rather proud that i can think of some many jokes during this period. Okie, gonna sleep liao. Weather so nice.

First time

2009-08-22T11:02:00.000-07:00

Today something happened to me that i will never forget for life. I dun wanna relate what happened anymore, but what i know that, i am not once the timid Gavin i once am.

Felt sinful right now, after talking to qingshan from 10pm to 2am. Wasted 2 days watching drama didnt study. Sad sad.

Euphoria

2009-08-19T04:52:00.000-07:00

They discouraged me, i felt down, and was ob the verge of giving up.

I called my mum, only to invite a whole strings of scoldings.

I went to find mr nandwani, and he is the only one who asked me to retake.

And i did.

Today is the release of the GCE A level CL results and i got a 'A' from a 'C' after retest. Though my oral only earned a merit.

For those who helped me, i must really thanked you. I am so grateful to you.

Thanks to:
1. Mdm Tan: who gave me so many consultation on ways to awe the examiners in ans.
2. Mdm He: who taught me how to write proper high band composition for my exam.
3. Miss ng: who is willing to take the extra time to mark the 10 specimens paper i sent her and the numerous composition.
4. Ziguang for supporting me to retake.
5. Shimin for lending me her file.
6. Shan shan for her compo book
7. Aurina, Qs, shan shan and serene for constantly criticising my essays and oral.
8. Py, for asking me not to worry that much.
9. Mr yee for talking to me while i waited for my mum after i have my chinese lesson.
10. Miss tan for constantly helping me to haunt the CL teacher for me.
11. Tracy, ang sian, genliang,isabella and jun wei for supporting me.
12.My parents

See, so many people to thank. Lets stop at no.12 then. Was like so worried during assembly that i started complaining when the principal have to talk abt public relation, which i think is real stupid since the reasidents like to complain abt trivial matters, like students competing taxis with her. Oh my, i would wonder why the residents of serangoon are like so stupid and immature. Then i got scolded by nandwani for talking. -.-''

Then wanted to take my results after assembly, but neo said lecture first. So went to take CL results during GP.

Was real happy, after i realised that my efforts paid off.

But i will always remember those who constantly...

Okie, gonna go sleep lei, bye.

Another week

2009-08-14T08:44:00.000-07:00

It seems scary that time pass so fast when we have so many things to do, but as usual, that is so typical, so no need for some cliche-ness here.

From Aurina's blog, she mentioned that the teachers are a motivator, and this make me recall if some of my teachers have actually motivated me. Surprisingly, i realise that all the teachers i have knew since j1 have all motivate me before, and it is only me who seems to think they have no impact on my life. haha.

Eg.
Mr Yee: While some of the examiners reported that some students totally learn nothing throughout their jc term, i realise that your essays are of great standard.
(i dun believe him because my grade doesnt reflect that haha)

Miss Tan: I am proud of your spirit in all your subjects. You can do well, keep this up.

Well, i keep on have this complacency that things will go well soon. But that the feeling of guilt, aww, betetr not to mention it.

I am very worried now, because it seems that i seem less stress than anyone. Aww, quick quick stress, let you catch up on me, make me normal pls..

Woo, lady gaga is cool=)

And i realise something today. I felt so soft-hearted when he talked to me today. I mean, if he does not show his attitude to me again, i can gladly accept him as my friend again. I do not want the relationship to become mild and sour, after all, a friend is better than a foe.

And ziguang is asking me to go out and eat now. 11:50 PM. Well, just woke up and ate mac. Now maybe gg to watch Sun Wukong drama.

Well, slacking as usual, and i always got this feeling of uneasiness. Arh!!

Look like it will be another long week before i will blog again. right now, i shall love all the mocks exams they are giving, and try not to feel demoralised through the failing of my bio and econs again.

Hopefully, things will turn out better.

=)

2009-08-09T04:22:00.000-07:00

I suddenly felt unhappy, or rather irritated.

I dunno why, the sense of ______, but well, why must i let this affect my mood?

I dunno, i just has the feeling i must find him on tuesday morning. I just have to run to him and tell him, i know liao!

I am slacking for the past few days, which disgust me more.

So much temptations.

I am disgusted, yet i know i must accept this ball of disgust. Yucks!

Bye, gonna watch the ndp parade show, which i think wont be able to attract me.

Good mood

2009-08-06T09:14:00.000-07:00

Today was in a rather good mood, let me tell you why.

First i am able to sleep to around 7.30am before proceeding to school and the ride is smooth throughout, with little stop. During the ride, i finsihed reading the articles and i realise i am in a relaxed mood since like dunno when and i am productive.

Then when i reached school, i received my Maths test back and for once, i got an A for my paper. Was quite happy, as i always fall into the just pass range. Even differentiation, one of my weakest area, allow me to score quite high for time practised. I am happy, and would like to congrats qingshan and felicia for improving. Aurina ,to you too.

Then we got chem till 6, follows by gg to the lit room to have games. I was telling ghost story and jordon was like listening so attentively. Just when i am gg to boo at them, jordan suddenly push up the table, allowing it to clash. The noise scare all of us, and serene screamed. Hahaha...

Following that, went with felicia and qs to mac and eat. Time flies as we reminise abt our pw time. In a few topic covered, 2hrs have passed and it was 10.35. So i cabbed home and now surfing the net. Rest for today,

Night study

2009-08-05T08:41:00.000-07:00

Just went for my night study programme, and manage to finish lots, although i just sit thr for like 2hr?

Was really tired, but i wunt show it!!

But mdm He asked me this today:
H: You look pale and blur, roaming here and there like some snake.
G: Haha, i didnt faint good liao
H: What time you sleep daily with all the revision?
G: I dunno, i feel quite guilty sleeping at 12 plus when i noe others slept at 2-3am.
H: Then what time you wake up?
G:6.15am
H: Wa, then i expect you to fall asleep in lectures.
G:No lo, i wunt de, because coffee helps, too bad family cant afford chicken essence.
H: Haha, stop taLking and go vote!

Lol, she is kind yet random.

Then went to find a room, in the end share room with qs they all. have an intellectual discussion between anna and cassandra and aurina and qs. Abt some respiration stuffs.

Cassandra was like trying to twist the qn to a rate qn, while i was trying to twist her back. Qs is just wobbling around, and aurina is like trying to decide whether humans give out oxygen or take in oxygen. While anna is like looking at us, hoping for some response.

Though it only a 10min discussion, it suddenly dawn on me that there is still fun around.

And even the telepathy game, though lame, can be fun too.

Expecting a hectic week ahead, and i wanna go cycling, but yet i am guilty of gg. How?!?!?!?!

Today assembly dance show so stupid, dun even understand. Then in the end try to crap out some logic that the dancers are actually pollutants trying to fly around the air. HAHAH! didnt expect it to rake up laughter around me.

Hmm, The juniors asked me: Why you understand us so well and can read our mind?? And how come you know Shi Hao weakness and use that to chase him away?

Well, i realise something. I didnt mean to chase him away, i try to give him a chance, but he keep on assuming this and that and in the end, i was so pissed that i asked him to shoo!

Gen liang example to Shi Hao was great, even Jiao Lian said so.

Genliang to Shi hao:
If a particular drink in the vending machine is 1.20, but you keep on assume is 1 dollar, then no matter how you assume, the drink will just be inside the machine. The fact that we can get our drink by paying extra 20 cents more shows that you are reluctant to listen to us. You assume that we are all trying to bluff your 20cents.

Good job gen liang, was rather awed and touched by you.

tata, shall go and do some econs and hypo testing b4 i go to sleep. Bye. Life is great.

P.S. Thanks lynn, your talk today in assembly really let me reminicse the days where fluoroscent light and pink lion is roaming in NYJC.

It is a Rainbow.

2009-07-31T10:06:00.000-07:00

Gotta blog abt this, though i am not suppose to do so.

Been real busy this week, no fun at all. But it is REAL normal.

Addicted to facebook, and the thing that i remembered vividly is the stupid Qingshan's incident.

Didnt attend school today, not feeling well. And i was so disappointed. because i spent so much time writing the Econs essay and handing it on FRIDAy. I did that many days ago, just before the week start, but have no chance of handing in.

Was quite happy when i realise that i have the ans for econs in the time practised. But, things always not quite as expected.

Going to night study programme, was quite curious of the simple cooked food that mr kwek was emphasising. Then if the food is good, tata, i go home. If the food is bad, i go home too. School is so distracting. Like what khoon beng, food and talks are gg to distract me during the programme.

Must thank Aurina for being my mobile timetable for the past few months. It is very sad for you to resign. I was just gg to promote you.. haha

And i am gg to take my revenge on Serene Su. be careful.

And i am going to LOOK UP at QINGSHAN when i talk to her next time.

Sometimes, i realise that my group of friends around me, particularly qingshan, shan shan, serene and aurina are a bunch of lame creeps. Lol.. I think they have been influenced by me.

Aurina---Always laughing at the tiniest thing. good entertainer also, and like me, she has an imaginary friend and is expecting a treat from SHimin for the fungi pot. PARA PARA to you.

Serene---This girl is so hermionie, but nt to the extent that always answering in class. That trait is passed on to me, esp chem. Share the same dislike with me, and also quite lame. Love that kim kiam cai, which i dislike, and always draw on my paper and my hand. SHIT YOU!

Shan shan---one of the pro entertainer. She is so funny, telling the auntie that she want Nian Gao when the kueh is kueh lapis. And she dunnoe whats house warming. Lol, the qingshan's hair and shan shan saliva incident is funny. Will remember. And CONTRACT to YOu!

Qingshan---Always crazy over her lin feng and xiao tian. Have fun insulting her, but usually got insulted back. Always say me and serene,shit you. Poor thing, haunted by the ghost of her puberty period. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!! but always write on my econs lect notes. SHit you!!

Well, just wanna have an account of how lame we are. It is really the only entertaining thing in school left for me. Revision homeworks are tiring, but i will not lose steam. I wont allow history to repeat itself.

And oh ya, life is great.

Not enough

2009-07-24T04:33:00.000-07:00

Wayne insulted my intelligence ytd, by telling me that i am contracdicting myself all along. Damn it, stupid...

Maybe i wunt like Orange liao, hahahaha.

Today sick, have gastric pain till late into the night, so too tired to go to sch once my alarm rang. Shdnt have ate with the pugi members till so early.

I just scolded jun wei, then i going to call gen liang and shi hao ltr. Really pissed me off.

And Jiayen and i have come to the conclusion, if this wont work out, demotion is expected.

Have been racking my brain this few days, and cultivating my interests back. Have alot of consultation yesterday, and learnt lots from it. Miss tan was like joking while i was drawing bonds in front of her. She suddenly HAHAHAH when she saew i gave her a stunned face when she gives me the qn. Lol...

Then when miss tan goes back, mr nandwani suddenly came and i spoke to him. Before that, before my LC, i went to the canteen to speak with him while he was having lunch. A motivated talk.

The trust that each teacher gives, hahahahaha...so funny.

Anyway, i suddenly realise that i have the art of predicting stuffs, spotting qn, and expecting an outcome of someone action or certain things. Maybe i am a descendent of the seer, who are in the mortal world trying to tell Aurina that Paracute and Para para Sakura have the same pronounciation. haha random.

Okie, gg to facebook and do some quiz. Then gg to call the members. After which i gonna go watch drama. Bye.

In you come

2009-07-21T05:06:00.000-07:00

I have changed my mind, changed it really fast.

As i am listening to Melodies of life, i realise something, i realise and recall something i told wayne ytd.

Something that i cant really believe i said that.

Shimin is also right too.

And i am enlightened.

And i finally know how to spell ''enlightened''.

人生就如一张白纸，而我们却是一支铅笔。但我们遇到困难时，就应该拿起橡皮擦，擦完后，在从新来过，哪怕有多少污迹，拿起橡皮擦，能有多难？

Out you go

2009-07-21T04:40:00.000-07:00

I am depressed now. Dont try to provoke me any further, and dun try to act kind to me.

For the first time in my JC life, i got a U for a major exam. Shocking huh?

This dealt a great blow to me, since i have spent quite a fair bit of time for my econs, and getting this results dun really spur me on.

Have the intention to quit now, from all this, but i am feeling unjust. I know i can do it, but with that, i need inner motivation.

Some people arnt really worth my attention at times.

I have lots to say, but have no mood to type. Time to retreat in emo state again.

Disappointment

2009-07-17T06:46:00.000-07:00

I waited for 2 years, with great expectation, but eventually all went down to disappointment.

Harry Potter 6 is not nice, they changed some of the storyline, which make it like all lies to us, and action packed scene is thin. Plus, they omit the last part in the book about the fight with the death eaters.

Bad bad bad, and i rate it 4/10, even though this is the favourite series of movies i must watch yearly.

Hiaz...ending a day with disappointment.

Rainbow

2009-07-14T09:02:00.000-07:00

I saw many things in such a few days, and seriously, some are good and some are bad.

And i noe i am nt supposed to be blogging now, but i am doing academic stuff!! HAHAH!!

Seriously, i suddenly feel like abandoning my holidays plan for this week. I am so reluctant to go this few days, and i feel quite moody.

And oh ya, not becus of my results, but becus of how people interacts with others in their depressed state.

Maybe i am too sensitive, but having not quite the results one expected does not really give those people the incentive to vent their frustration. I mean, relative to others, who can control their mood so well, i am totally disgusted by how others totally let off thier mask after that.

Disgusting.

Lol, for once kah chee and shan shan share the same views as me, hahaha!!

And cheer up everyone, we must work hard for that smiley face that mr nandwani wanted us to be. Smile..And i guess that after this post, i am gonna set up my principle once more, i am not going to tolerate any more of this nonsense.

Jake is right, when your results is better than others, you tend to be careful with your actions so that you wont hurt others. But in the meantime getting hurt is totally unacceptable in my point of view.

Hiazzzz, like what cassandra said, who understands how i feel after i told her that i am moody. I felt so relieved.

Ok, and i finished my sampling theory tut and 2 sets of revision package of chem and hlaf of bio. Homework rush now, becus exams up next week. Gonna work hard!!=)

Arh

2009-07-13T09:16:00.000-07:00

Arhhh, really need my holidays, but holidays are boring, school are tiring. It is difficult nowsdays to maintain a long attention span, and gg home after that to attend to homework, then sleep.

Routine is coming back, but well, when will be the next time we will be having routine after a level? So like what i tell aurina, we must chen xi everything and give ourselves some holidays too!! woo!!!

Okie, today maths paper released. Actually i didnt have too high an expectation, so in terms of whether i am happy or not, i also dunno lei. Throughout the mid year i was worry most abt my econs, so ya, not really secure now haha.

Yah tml start sch at 9 becus dun have GP. Can sleep more. HAHAha... sleep is a good form of rest. Especially in Rainy days. Wooo, like laying on a parch of snow and looking at snowflakes falling down on you. woo, i love the snow, though i cant stand the cold.

And rather scary when i see ShiMin literature script just now. It is words words and words. I dunno why, phobia for physics and lit ba.

And yup, tml gona get back 2 more papers, was kindA worry for bio p2 since i didnt study cell bio and gene amplification and heng heng they come out for essays. HAhAH, so i am totally pin onto my p1 and p3, where p1 is hopeless.

Okie, gona go sleep liao, if nt tml gonna tiao.

Arh, so tiring nowsdays, so many things to take care of, so many consultations and so many stuffs to study.